Episode 139 – Does Anybody Listen Anymore?

We have a wonderful listener named Scott Perry, who is a talented musician and song writer, and he has shared one of his beautiful songs with us.  It’s called, Does Anybody Listen Anymore, and it’s inspired us to do an episode on this important topic.  So, in today’s episode of Your Personal Power Pod, we are talking about the importance of listening and connection, and also sharing Scott’s beautiful song with you. We hope you enjoy and find value in this vital message.

If you’d like to listen to more of Scott’s music you can find him on his YouTube Channel, and if you’d like to connect with him you can email him at scperry_98@msn.com .

We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. 

We’d love for you to review our podcast. Do this on your streaming service or visit www.yourpersonalpowerpod.com , click Contact and drop us an email. 

You can also find us on Instagram and YouTube at Your Personal Power Pod.

Also, if you’d like to make changes in your personal or business life, spending time with a coach can make all the difference.  Sandy is offering a free consultation, so contact her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING in the subject line to schedule a free call.

Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

Shannon: [00:00:00] Welcome to Your Personal Power Pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, 

song: Sandy Abel and Shannon Young.

: Shannon, I'm very excited about today. 

Shannon: I am too, Sandy. When we first started this podcast journey a few years ago, we were really just making. Episodes about topics that were important to us and putting them out into the universe and hoping that they mattered to other people. Right? And over the years, it's been so fun to see our listeners reach out to us with ideas for topics they really want us to cover.

And today we're focusing on one of those. Topics. Our listener, Scott Perry, who is a talented musician and songwriter, suggested that we do an episode on listening and whether anybody does it anymore, and he also sent us a beautiful song that he'd [00:01:00] written about that very topic. So we wanna start by just playing a few lines of that song for you and then we'll launch into whether anybody listens anymore.

song: You say you, I want believe you, but I,

I start to sing my song. He lives so fast, I just can't seem to catch up with the fly. Illusions as they you.

Does anybody listen anymore? Does anybody hear the

seems? We've lost connection.[00:02:00] 

: That was just beautiful and so profound. 

Shannon: Absolutely. It makes me sad listening to that song. It makes me so sad. 

: Unfortunately, it's true for so many of us in a world that's saturated these days with notifications and opinions and everything digital, and it's crazy. We're communicating more than we ever did.

We're not listening. 

Shannon: I don't know if we're communicating. I think we're talking. I think we're talking at each other. Communication implies that both parties are involved. I dunno. 

: That is very true. We are putting things out there. 

Shannon: Yeah. 

: But we're not really sure if they're being received at all. Much less the way we intend them.

Shannon: Mm-hmm. 

: And the implications for our relationships at home and at work and [00:03:00] everywhere are profound. Stephen Covey, who's an amazing person, said, the biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply, and that is so true. Have you experienced that in your life, Shan? 

Shannon: Oh my gosh.

Daily? 

: Yes. Yes. 

Shannon: I think that to some degree. That problem has always been there. 

: Yes. A lot of people don't know about listening. They don't know what that means, 

Shannon: and a lot of people think communication is just the sharing of information. I tell you something, you tell me something, I tell you something, you tell me something, 

: right?

They just think it's talking. Talking is not really communicating. And these days the average person is just bombarded with information. You've got messages and emails and alerts and all that stuff, and we just get overwhelmed. 

Shannon: Yes. I make a concerted effort when I get home to plug my phone in the bedroom and leave it 

: perfect.

I love 

Shannon: it because just having it in the room, there's a slice of my attention that is focused on it at all times. Was that a buzz? I think we've all [00:04:00] had that phantom buzz feeling. 

: Yeah. 

Shannon: You're holding your phone in your hand, but your pocket just buzzed, you know? 

: That's right. Yes. The phone has become way too important.

Shannon: Also, I think a lot of what we look at as quote unquote communication today is more of a performance. 

: It's all about the influencers and being on social media and just being louder, clever, controversial, but not being attentive. It's unfortunately listening doesn't trend, but outrage does. 

Shannon: Oh yeah. 

: Death's scary.

Actually, that frightens me a lot, that people are rewarded for being negative and over the top. 

Shannon: It's easy to get a group of people angry quickly. Yes. It's harder to make a group of people feel heard quickly. Yes. And when you're looking for listeners, viewers, readers. And wanting interaction. It's so much easier to poke the bear than it is [00:05:00] to get quiet and hear what people have to say.

: And that's so sad because the end result is negativity instead of positivity. 

Shannon: Yeah, 

: which just really drives me nuts. 

Shannon: Another issue that we talk about with regard to the prevalence of information that we're subjected to every day is that we get tired. There's so much bad news, there's so much. Anger. Just being exposed to everything that's going on all the time dulls us emotionally.

: Yes. And especially when it's negative things we're exposed to. There's so much good out there. As you told me back when you were a news anchor, 

Shannon: you're gonna throw this in my face 

: if it, it leads. And that was not your choice. You wanted to do Shannon's good news show, but they told you No, we can't do that.

'cause nobody will watch it. Which is. Really sad. We get empathy fatigue. We just can't pay attention to all this negativity anymore. 

Shannon: One of the things I remind people when they talk [00:06:00] about the news always being negative is that, yes, news is supposed to be. What's out of the norm. That's what makes it news, which means that if your news is negative, most of the rest of life is probably pretty good, but that's not what we focus on.

: That's an interesting way to put it. I hadn't realized that. Yeah, and it's true. Life is pretty good. 

Shannon: Yeah. 

: But it would be nice if they would broadcast that more often. 

Shannon: I think that's becoming more and more possible. You see talk show hosts like Ellen? Yes. Doing good news stuff. Oprah does good news stuff once in a while.

Steve Hartman reporter. Oh 

: yeah, 

Shannon: he does a lot of good news stuff, 

: right? 

Shannon: But it takes a lot of time and energy and resources to do those things and sometimes the good has to be dramatically good for it to make the same impression as just a small negative news story, 

: which is really unfortunate. But I think that we do register negative.

Than we do positive. 

Shannon: Well, I think we just live generally in more positivity. [00:07:00] So the negative is what feels. Novel. 

: I hope so. I hope people live in positivity. That's a good thing. 

Shannon: Thanks for going down that rabbit hole with me. 

: It's an important one. 

Shannon: So anyway, we get tired of feeling, so we don't, and then everything has to happen so quickly.

: Right? 

Shannon: Respond to my text, respond to my email. I heard from somebody the other day that a majority of employees these days are basically required to work 24 hours because they're supposed to be attached to their phone and their email. All times. 

: Oh, that's terrible. 

Shannon: And you burn out. 

: You have to have balance in your life.

And if you're working or on call 24 7, there's no balance. That doesn't work. 

Shannon: Right. 

: So the ramifications of all of this is that nobody really listens deeply and conversations become exchanges of monologues, like you said. Misunderstandings happen. People stop sharing openly. Emotional distance happens, families and friends just fall apart.

Shannon: Yeah. Which, [00:08:00] if you don't know how to listen to somebody, you can't collaborate with them. 

: That's true. 

Shannon: I think you see this in workplaces where you have a team, but your team doesn't operate like a team. Everybody wants to have their opinion heard, but then doesn't know how to work with anybody else's.

: Yeah. And then you foster the US versus them thinking 

Shannon: Yes. 

: Without finding out who the other person is or what they're really saying. It's just, you're wrong. I'm right. We can't get along and oh my goodness, you see that all over everywhere. 

Shannon: I don't know when it became okay for everybody to have an opinion.

I mean, everybody's always been allowed to have an opinion, but it was understood at some point that if you don't work in that field or you've never done any research there, you've never lived it. Your opinion may not. Carry much weight. 

: Yes. Some people actually do know more than you do about certain things and you know more than other people do about other things, and you have to be able to respect that.

But first you have to be able to hear it. 

Shannon: That's true. 

: There's that, you know, [00:09:00] 

Shannon: that's true. Emotional connection among humans is key to happiness. Oh my gosh. 

: And if 

Shannon: you can't connect with somebody else, then your mental health takes a hit. 

: Exactly. That causes anxiety and loneliness and resentment and all those things are pretty prevalent these days, which is scary because people are not really connecting, even though everybody's talking.

Shannon: I like this phrase, you put in the notes here, you say that listening is more than a courtesy. It is psychological. Oxygen. That's an awesome phrase. 

: Yes, it is. You need it to survive. You need it to thrive just like you need oxygen. So despite everything, listening is one of the most powerful tools we have.

It builds trust. It diffuses conflict. It increases learning and insight. It communicates respect and empathy, and it strengthens relationships and communities. It's simple and transformative, but it's gotta be done [00:10:00] intentionally. 

Shannon: I sometimes challenge myself when I'm in conversations with people or they're in conversation with me.

There are some people in my life who just talk at me. 

: Yes, 

Shannon: and it is exhausting, and I start to feel battered after a while. It is so important for them to say what they need to say. That it doesn't matter who they're inflicting it upon. 

: Yeah. 

Shannon: You know? 

: Well, and they probably think you're just fascinated with everything you're saying.

So 

Shannon: which, if you're a good listener, people will love you. They will think you are the most fascinating people on the planet and you haven't said a word. Yes. But it's because you let them talk about themselves. 

: Exactly. And you just nod and say, oh yes. Wow. Amazing. They think that you're incredible. These are the people we call black holes.

Shannon: Yeah. '

: cause you leave, like you said, feeling exhausted, that you've just put so much effort and empathy and all kinds of emotion into them, and they haven't even seen you except that you're reflecting them back to them. 

Shannon: That's the thing. What are you in communication with somebody [00:11:00] for? Are you there to make small talk?

Are you there to solve a problem? Are you just killing time? 

: Are you there to connect? 

Shannon: Do you actually wanna see the other person? Right? Or are you just wanting to be right and the center of attention 

: and you don't really care about the other person? So what can we do about all that? 

Shannon: Cut out the energy vampires.

From your life. 

: There's that. And choose moments each day to fully focus on one person. No phone, no distractions, no anything. Just focus on one person and really be present. 

song: I think that's scary for 

Shannon: people. 

: Why is it scary? Why do you think it's 

Shannon: scary? Well, not to be present with somebody, but just to be fully present.

Like, I don't know where the effects came from. Probably a variety of places, but I can be watching tv, working on my computer and working on my phone at the same time, and it feels like the right amount of activity. Oh my God. If I [00:12:00] quit two of those things and just watch tv, that has to be a conscious decision, right?

And it feels. Slow and we just don't do slow anymore. I've watched entire movies where I didn't know what half of the action was because the video clips were one or two seconds long. Like I don't know what just happened. It was too short for me to register what just happened. Yeah, but that's the speed we're moving at these days.

: Yeah. It's crazy. It might be worth it to just put down everything and do one thing at a time. It's much more effective. Yes. And much nicer on your psyche. 

Shannon: Yes. 

: Than trying to multitask because when you multitask, nothing gets your full attention. So nothing gets done to your best of your ability. 

Shannon: Exactly.

: And if you're trying to connect somebody, learn how to ask questions instead of saying, how are you? And they'll say, fine. And you'll say, okay, great. And that'll be that. Say, what have you been thinking about lately? Or how was your highlight of the week? Or Tell me more about that. 

Shannon: One of my friends asked a good one.

She says, what are you excited [00:13:00] about these days? 

: Yes, I love it. Beautiful. What good things have happened in your life today? 

Shannon: The trick there is that ask the good question, but then follow up after they've answered 

: Exactly. You listen to understand that. Respond. Yeah. If they say, oh, well I saw this great movie.

You don't say, oh, hey, I saw that too, and take it over. You say, really, what was great about it? What part did you like? And stay focused on where they're coming from. Instead of trying to respond with your argument or your comment, reflect back what you heard. 

Shannon: And if you don't know what you heard, clarify 

: absolutely.

Questions like, tell me more, or, that sounds fascinating. I'd love to hear about that 

Shannon: or Help me understand. 

: Exactly. Be sure you know how to ask questions and then listen, 

Shannon: and then create quiet spaces. Get used to that. 

: Yes. 

Shannon: Silence helps reset our attention. 

: Yes, 

Shannon: and without attention, you can't listen. 

: I talk all the time about how [00:14:00] much, I just love to take a walk.

I'll walk with one or two of the people I really, really love. Like you or your dad. Mm-hmm. But I don't wanna walk with a group and I don't wanna walk with just random people because that's my mental health time. 

Shannon: Mm-hmm. 

: And walking alone is very good mental health time for me, listening and watching and being present helps a lot.

Shannon: It also helps to put some distance, especially if you are in, uh, tense communication or arguing with someone or angry at someone. There is no need to respond right away. 

: Right. 

Shannon: Sometimes at work I'll get an email that's complicated. 

: Mm-hmm. 

Shannon: And I'm not quite sure how to respond, and so I'll work on other things and then there's just kind of a back corner of my mind that is working on untying the knot.

: Right. 

Shannon: And then eventually it will come to me and I'll go back to that email and respond. We have a checklist of the ways we're supposed to handle certain communications and when, and the big ones are supposed to be first, but sometimes that's not always possible. You don't want me replying right [00:15:00] out of the gate.

You want a thought out answer. 

: You need time to take a few deep breaths and let your brain relax, and the right answer will come 

Shannon: yes. 

: But if you responded immediately, it might not be the answer that is most appropriate in the situation. 

Shannon: Mm-hmm. 

: Take time and reflect and clarify. 

Shannon: Yes. '

: cause that's more valuable than speed sometimes.

Shannon: And then reduce the noise that you can control. I love my husband dearly. He has more notifications set on his phone. He works in emergency management and he likes to know what's going on, and I think that's great, but I also don't need to know every time an earthquake hits Alaska, but his phone is digging all day long and it would drive me loony.

I would think that the planet were ending. He loves it. It makes him feel like he's in the know, which is great. But I could never live like that. All my notifications are turned off, 

: right? Yes. 

Shannon: I don't want 'em dinging [00:16:00] at me all day. 

: And reducing noises that you can control helps quiet your environment so you can have a more attentive mind, and that way you can pay more attention to the people in your life.

Shannon: Yeah, and the cool thing is that when you listen well, people notice. And then if you're looking for people to be in your life, one of the ways you'll know that they're the right people for you is that they are listening to you. Yes. But you won't recognize that if nobody's listening. 

: Yes. And you'll also be able to recognize the people that you may not want in your life or want to get really close to because you're listening and they're not.

And after a while, like you said, you're exhausted. It's important to model listening and see how they respond to that. 

Shannon: Yep. 

: So the bottom line is that the listening crisis is real, but it is reversible. People are wired for connection, not distraction. Even though these days what we have is distraction and real listening, even in small doses, has enormous ripple effects.

A single conversation where someone feels heard [00:17:00] can shift a relationship. A team that starts listening can change a workplace and a community that listens can change society. If we choose to listen, others will follow. 

Shannon: Thank you mama, 

: and thank you Shannon. And thank you to our wonderful listeners. We're so excited that you are taking this podcast journey with us, 

Shannon: and as we mentioned at the top, we love hearing from you.

So whether you wanna tell us about self-esteem and personal power and the roles they've played in your life, or if you want to send us more topic ideas, we would love that. You can also review our podcast if you want to. We love that too. And you can do that wherever you stream. Or you can visit your personal power pod.com.

Click contact and just drop us an email and talk to us directly. You can also visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel and share that with your family and friends so they can learn all about these great topics. And if you wanna learn about coaching and how it can change your life, contact Sandy at.

sandy@insidejobscoach.com. We are going to leave you today with the rest of Scott Perry's [00:18:00] song. Does anybody listen anymore? If you wanna get in touch with Scott, you'll find his contact information at our website, your personal power pod.com. You can also listen to his whole song or subscribe to his YouTube channel.

Just search Scott Perry, that's P-E-R-R-Y. And so we leave you with Scott Perry and does anybody listen anymore? And until next time, find your power and change your life.

song: You say, I want believe you, but I,

I start to sing my song. You live so fast, I just can't seem to up. With the flight of your illusions as they hurry you.[00:19:00] 

Does anybody listen anymore? Does anybody hear the life and love? Seems we've lost connection. Glit.

I see you stare searching for meaning in the fog swirling through.

For something, I can tie it all together. So you click and scroll on [00:20:00] endlessly and hope you'll find it there. But I'm here.

Open up the.

Anymore. [00:21:00] Does anybody hear the subtle sounds of life and love? Seems we've lost.

Does anybody listen?

Yes, I'm here. I'm real Together. We can discover who we [00:22:00] are.