Episode 138 - The Three Psychological Time Zones

Human beings live in three psychological time zones: the past, the present, and the future. We shift among them constantly—sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously. Where your mind spends most of its time shapes how you feel, how you behave, and the kind of life you build and live.  Each time frame has value; each has risks. The key is learning how to use all three wisely rather than becoming trapped in any one of them. In today’s episode of Your Personal Power Pod, we talk about where you choose to live and how it’s affecting the way your life unfolds.

We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. 

We’d love for you to review our podcast. Do this on your streaming service or visit www.yourpersonalpowerpod.com , click Contact and drop us an email. 

You can also find us on Instagram and YouTube at Your Personal Power Pod.

Also, if you’d like to make changes in your personal or business life, spending time with a coach can make all the difference.  Sandy is offering a free consultation, so contact her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING in the subject line to schedule a free call.

Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

Shannon: [00:00:00] Welcome to Your Personal Power Pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, Sandy Abel and Shannon Young.

Sandy: Shannon, we're back again. 

Shannon: We are. And Sandy, I have an important question for you. 

Sandy: Yes, ma'am. 

Shannon: Where are you living today? 

Sandy: I am living in probably the present at this moment, focusing on what we're doing. 

Shannon: That's great. I thought you were gonna say your time traveling and you're living in the past, the present, and the future.

Sandy: Nope, I'm right here with you and our listeners. This is so fun. Who are wondering, what are these women talking about? What are we talking about? 

Shannon: Well, I like this. You say that human beings live in three psychological time zones, and I absolutely love that phrase 

Sandy: really. I [00:01:00] do a psychological time zone.

There you go. Yeah. That just means that our brains run all over the place, basically. 

Shannon: Ooh. We zip back and forth. 

Sandy: Right. We live in the past, the present, and the future. Mm-hmm. And we shift among them constantly, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously. But the important thing is to understand that where your mind spends most of its time, shapes how you feel and how you behave and the kinda life you build and live.

Shannon: And it's cool that each location or time zone has its own value, but they also have their own risks. And so figuring out the balance is key to figuring out what you want your life to be, how much time you spend in each place. 

Sandy: Exactly. You don't wanna be trapped or stuck in any one of them. You wanna bounce back and forth.

Like you said, 

Shannon: I think we all know people who are stuck. Yes. In one of these three. 

Sandy: Yes. I know a woman whose husband died many years ago. She is still stuck living in the past. She [00:02:00] loved him dearly. They loved each other. They had a wonderful marriage, but I don't think he would want her to stay stuck, but she just spends all her time feeling sad that he's gone and focusing on.

All the wonderfulness they had together, but not being in the present or moving herself ahead to the future. She's just stuck and it's really sad to watch because she has so much to offer and could be enjoying her life instead of just continuing to grieve. 

Shannon: I mean, grief is, its whole other topic and I know that for a lot of people, the act of.

Not letting go of the grief, but deciding to find a way to bring it with you as you move forward. Yes. Feels very much like an active betrayal to the person who's gone. There is a point at which you have to say, it's no longer productive for me to be here. Exactly. In this grief place. I mean, you can't just walk outta grief, but you can.

Take steps. Take 

Sandy: steps. You [00:03:00] can move out of it slowly. Start focusing on the present and creating a future, because I know that her husband would not have wanted her to stay stuck. He would want her to live her life and move ahead, but she hasn't come to terms with that yet. 

Shannon: On the other hand. Visiting the past can be fun.

We just came through the holiday season and I spent a lot of time in November and December just remembering the holidays of my youth, which bring me such joy, and I've learned how much they color the way I experience the present. 

Sandy: That's wonderful. 

Shannon: It's great and I love it, but I also know people who had a really hard time at the holidays when they were kids, and that time of year is miserable for them.

Getting them to experience the now during the holidays is really a challenge because their perception of the now is so colored by their past. They don't wanna live there, but they can't help it. I love to go back there and visit and bring those memories forward, but [00:04:00] knowing that that's what we're doing gives us a whole lot more control over whether we allow those memories in or we try to keep them at base so we can live in the now.

Sandy: Exactly. For your friend who had a negative past, he or she can learn from it and learn what worked and what didn't. Mm. Use that as a growth opportunity if you just ruminate and overfocus on past mistakes. Mm-hmm. Oh, I know people who do that. They did something that didn't work out right 10 years ago and they're still beating themself up over it.

A loss or a regret. They just get trapped in a cycle of what if, 

Shannon: and the thing is you can't do anything about it except learn the lesson and bring the lesson with you so that next time you'll make different choices. That is your only source of power in that situation. 

Sandy: Otherwise, if you just stay fixated on earlier versions of yourself or your life or whatever happened, it's hard to grow.

It's hard to move forward. 

Shannon: Mm-hmm. 

Sandy: It's important to be aware that you're doing that. Practice self-compassion. When you're reflecting on your mistakes, [00:05:00] stop asking, why did this happen or why did I do that? And instead say, what can I learn from this? 

Shannon: You used to say to me when I was a kid, when I was being hard on myself, stop being so mean to my girl.

Yes, and that was cool because it put me outside of myself a little bit. Reminded me that I wouldn't ever talk to somebody else the way I was talking to me. 

Sandy: Yes. And that's so important for people to know. You have to treat yourself like you treat others. And if you don't, you might wanna look at that because there is no point in beating yourself up.

Shannon: Not everybody treats other people gently either. 

Sandy: Well, that is true. 

Shannon: Be nice to yourself as well as others, is what we're saying. 

Sandy: Exactly. There you go. 

Shannon: So living in the present, this is the big buzzword these days, mindfulness. 

Sandy: Yes. I almost hate that word, but it is 

Shannon: a good word. 

Sandy: Yeah. It's one of those words that people just say, and I don't know if they're really clear on what it means.

Shannon: What does it mean be 

Sandy: present. We talk a lot about how we love to walk and pay attention to the birds and the trees and the sky and the [00:06:00] wind in our face that is being present, that is being mindful. 

Shannon: That is being in the moment. 

Sandy: Exactly. And we are walking together, you and I. So we are just enjoying each other's company and we're not thinking about the past or the future.

We're just being present. And when you do that, it reduces stress and grounds you in what's real and immediate. 

Shannon: It gives you a better relationship with life. It also allows you to experience life 'cause you can miss it. If you're living in a different psychological time zone, 

Sandy: you don't really sense what's happening today.

You just move through it. To get where you're going. 

Shannon: Mm-hmm. 

Sandy: Or to get back where you were when you're living in the present. It also makes you focus on the other people in your life so they feel valued. 'cause you're fully with them instead of mentally elsewhere. 

Shannon: And it can take you out of all the worries.

About your daily life. I remember when I was first learning how to be an adult and had so many bills to pay and I was so overwhelmed and I didn't have the money to pay them all. And you know, picking which ones to pay. And I'm not saying I'm [00:07:00] completely outta that cycle, but it doesn't stress me out the way I used to.

It's better, it's better. I, I should let my mom know that it's better. 

Sandy: Thank you. Appreciate it. Good to know. 

Shannon: And I would call you in tears. Listen, I don't have the money. I'm getting behind. And you would say, Shannon. They're not gonna come knock on your door today. And it was like, oh, that was just the space I needed to be able to start breathing again.

And breathing was the only way I was gonna learn how to take care of it. 'cause otherwise I would just spin out. 

Sandy: But you get stuck in where you are and overwhelmed by it. It's hard to grasp the reality. So you got yourself grounded and became calm and mindful. Then you could go, oh yeah, okay, I'll deal with this.

Shannon: It'll be okay. Right. But if you aren't coming from a place of now, then you have no control. 

Sandy: Right. Although there are some negatives about living in the present. 

Shannon: Mm-hmm. If you do it all the time, 

Sandy: it's all you do. Because if you only focus on right now, you can go for the short-term gratification over long-term goals.[00:08:00] 

Oh, let's buy that boat even though we haven't paid our house mortgage. Maybe not. You have to not be impulsive all the time. You have to be aware where your impulsiveness will take you if you just live in the present. 

Shannon: There's a saying, I think we've talked about this in one of our favorite quote episodes.

That's one of my favorites. That is most unhappiness comes from giving up what you want most for what you want now. 

Sandy: Right. 

Shannon: Living in the now all the time can lead to lack of direction. If you don't have a plan, if you don't know where you want to go, you're probably not gonna get there. 

Sandy: So you just stay stuck.

And some people stay hyper present to avoid confronting past issues or future responsibilities. It's like I have to make this huge decision. About where my life is gonna go, but I think I'll just go by that boat instead of dealing with reality. It's important for you to pay attention to what phase you're in.

Shannon: So if we are having trouble with living in the present, whether we're doing too much of it or not enough of it, how do [00:09:00] we adjust? 

Sandy: First of all, cultivate presence with mindfulness, being present and also breathing, paying attention to what's around you. 

Shannon: So many people say they can't meditate. I think there's this huge perception that there's something magical that you have to be doing when you're meditating, when really all meditating is, is breathing deeply, feeling your breath in your body, and.

Acknowledging your thoughts as they go by, but not attaching to them. 

Sandy: I do that when I'm walking. 

Shannon: Yes, you do. 

Sandy: I cannot sit with my legs crossed because my legs don't cross like that anymore. I cannot do the meditation pose Uhhuh, and I don't think I need to. No, because my meditation is being outside.

Whatever works for you. It's just about finding the power in being present and make sure you're not just being present to avoid something. 

Shannon: I think most of the people I know are living in the future really, and they are stressed out because of it. 

Sandy: That's hard. That's a really hard thing. What do [00:10:00] you mean living in the future?

Shannon: There are a couple of different factors. I think some people are just hyper motivated and ambitious and have this inner drive that keeps their eye on the ball. So they're always aiming for the ball. And you're like, yeah, but today's pretty great too. Like I'm enjoying this coffee we're having. Can you maybe like.

Be here for a second. 

Sandy: Right. 

Shannon: But then there are also a lot of people who are living in a state of high alert all the time, looking out for all the things that could go wrong and planning and just being on guard. And it's exhausting for them. Yes. But it is the only way they know to feel safe. 

Sandy: And they can't find the joy in the moment.

No, because they're too focused on overthinking the future. 

Shannon: Yeah. 

Sandy: Yeah. And then they do the perfectionism thing where we just fixate on the future goals and how they have to be perfect. You miss what's happening now. 

Shannon: [00:11:00] Yes. 

Sandy: There are some positives with living in the future. 

Shannon: There are, 

Sandy: because imagining what could be or what you wanna make happen.

Creates innovation and planning and personal growth. 

Shannon: I think we talked about this a couple of weeks ago when I said that anticipation is one of my favorite places to live, which is great, except if you stay there, what you're anticipating never happens. 

Sandy: That's true. You have to take steps to move ahead.

Yeah. So that it does 

Shannon: like, oh, I'm so excited to live in that new house and then just never get there. 'cause you just look forward to it all the time. 

Sandy: You just wait for it to happen. 

Shannon: Right. And then you can't make a plan and get where you wanna go in life. Without some strategic thinking, which can be super fun, but also really wise.

'cause it helps you navigate through or around potential obstacles. Right? And you have to do that. You have to live in the future to plan for your future, 

Sandy: consider potential consequences to what you wanna do. Mm-hmm. So you can make wise decisions, 

Shannon: right? 

Sandy: Then you need to [00:12:00] move ahead and do it instead of staying stuck in that.

Shannon: So how do we find a balance in the world of the future? 

Sandy: Living well and healthfully and happily isn't about choosing one time zone. It's about integrating all three. Use the past for wisdom and experience and lessons not self punishment. Use the present for grounding. Connection, action, and joy. 

Shannon: Yes. 

Sandy: And use the future for direction, purpose, and hope 

Shannon: that is so clear.

Sandy: Oh, good. Yay. Because when your mind is balanced and moves fluidly among these timeframes, rather than getting stuck in any single one, you'll find that you're moving ahead. The goal is not to eliminate any particular one, but to bring all of them into your life. 

Shannon: They're all puzzle pieces 

Sandy: and we have to put them all together.

If you just focus on one or even just two, you're going to be stuck [00:13:00] and probably not find the joy and happiness in your life. 

Shannon: Isn't that what it's all about? Joy. I love joy. It's such a silly thing to say, but I do. You can feel it bubble up inside you, and if you don't allow yourself to be here right now, you won't feel that.

Sandy: Yes. So the bottom line is we all have a past, present, and future. Your past shapes you, your present defines you, and your future inspires you. Your life becomes richer and more stable when you allow all three. To impact your decisions. Instead of asking yourself, which time should I live in? Ask yourself, how can I use the past, present, and future together to live more fully and intentionally?

Shannon: I love this. 

Sandy: Yes, and life is so fun when you're able to balance these three things. 

Shannon: I see them as different colors of paint swirling together. 

Sandy: Oh, I love it. What colors are they? 

Shannon: I'm gonna go all art student here. If you use the three primary [00:14:00] colors, then when you blend them, you'll get all the colors. 

Sandy: Oh, fun.

Yeah. Well, that sounds beautiful. 

Shannon: Thank you for coming on my detour with me. This is an awesome topic. I've never thought about it this way before, and I love the different uses for each psychological time zone. That's where people get tripped up. 

Sandy: The important thing is like everything to balance them, because each one is important.

Each one has its downfalls. If you overuse it. Each one has its positives when you work with it. So balance them and create your perfect life. 

Shannon: Thank you, mama. 

Sandy: Thank you, Shannon. And thank you to our wonderful listeners for taking this fun podcast journey with us 

Shannon: and for talking to us. Please reach out, tell us your stories about self-esteem and personal power and how they've affected your life.

Please send us your topics you'd like us to address in future episodes. And if you have the inclination, we'd love it. If you could review our podcast and you can do that Wherever you stream, you can text [00:15:00] us or you can just visit your personal power pod.com. Click contact and drop us an email. Also, don't forget, we're on YouTube, and if you wanna learn about coaching and how that can change your life, contact Sandy at sandy@insidejobscoach.com.

We look forward to hearing from you, and until next time, find your power and change your life.