Episode 135 – How Do You Choose When Everything Feels Like a Big Deal?

All day, every day, you are faced with having to make choices. From small decisions — like what to eat for dinner — to big ones — like choosing a career, a partner, or where to work or live. Your life is basically a long series of choices, and the results of what you’ve chosen define how you live your life. And yet, for some people, making choices is one of the hardest things they do. In today’s episode of Your Personal Power Pod, we talk about the challenges and positives of making choices.

We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. 

We’d love for you to review our podcast. Do this on your streaming service or visit www.yourpersonalpowerpod.com , click Contact and drop us an email. 

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Also, if you’d like to make changes in your personal or business life, spending time with a coach can make all the difference.  Sandy is offering a free consultation, so contact her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING in the subject line to schedule a free call.

Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

shannon: [00:00:00] Welcome to Your Personal Power Pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, Sandy Abel and Shannon Young.

sandy: Shannon, another wonderful day. I know I keep saying that, but it really is. 

shannon: It's so true. You know, it's. Funny. I was thinking the other day, you've taught me to be appreciative for so much and my hub and I have spent many years figuring out how to work together on projects and I was being grateful about that.

We are redoing one of the bedrooms at our house because we had a cat who destroyed it basically. And now we're having to put down new flooring and I thought maybe we should paint it. So we were standing in the room together looking at carpet samples and paint samples and getting completely and totally [00:01:00] overwhelmed.

So many options. 

sandy: Yes. Way too many. It gets overwhelming in one way. We're very fortunate. Yes, we have so many options. A lot of people don't have any options for much. We are very fortunate that we do have options, but it can get overwhelming to try to sort it out 

shannon: and we do have to make a choice or else the room won't be usable, so, right.

sandy: That's right. Today 

shannon: we're talking about how you choose when everything feels like a big deal 

sandy: because all day, every day we're faced with having to make choices. Small things like what to eat for dinner to big ones like choosing a career or a partner or where to work or live Life is basically a series of choices.

shannon: This is where creating good habits comes into play. Some of those can be automated. If you start making the right choices for you repeatedly, then they become ingrained and you don't have to think about 'em anymore. But if you're having to think about making a choice, it can really bog you down. 

sandy: It can, and the [00:02:00] results of what you choose actually define how you live your life.

Making choices, little ones and big ones is a huge deal. So how do we do it? First of all, I wanna talk about choices I'm trying to make right now. Oh, yes, please. They're actually in the overall scheme of things, little choices, but they're big in my world because I'm getting older and we've been married and living in the same house for 40 years.

We have stuff and we're very fortunate to have stuff, but we're drowning in stuff. Mm-hmm. All the closets are full. The garage is full. We've got a little storage building out back and that's full. We just need to start cleaning out and it's so tricky because I go out there and I think, well, do I need this plastic container?

I probably don't because I have four others. Mm-hmm. But just in case, I might need five someday. Really, Sandy, just throw away three or four of 'em 

shannon: or give them away? 

sandy: Yes. Get them out of my space. Yes. And in the space of somebody who [00:03:00] can use them, 

shannon: we should do an episode on cleaning out. It's hard to do. 

sandy: Yes, it's very hard to do and it's making decisions and they're little decisions.

Mine are, fortunately, it's interesting, my big decisions, who to marry, where to live, what house to buy. We were fortunate enough to be able to buy a house a long time ago. The big decisions I don't struggle with, but it's those darn little things about am I ever gonna wear this dress again? Really? That's crazy.

What about you? What do you struggle with? 

shannon: Well, that makes sense to me because I think you and I are similar in that when we make those big decisions, we don't think about them in the same way that we would think about things like, do I keep this dress or not? For me, it comes down to thinking about it and then stopping thinking about it and feeling.

It. Yes. And if it feels right and it's safe and makes sense and is a beneficial thing, then I'll go that [00:04:00] direction. Right? But things like, am I ever gonna wear this dress again? If you don't have a feeling about it, like, oh, I love this. I can foresee events in the future that I would wear this to, there's nothing to attach an emotion to.

It's really hard to decide. On the other hand, those emotions are the same things that keep me stuck with a lot of stuff. Like I have birthday cards that I got when I was 12. Yes. Which say the same thing that the birthday cards I got when I was 13, 14, 15 ad nauseum. Why can't I get rid of those? Keeping them is a form of stasis, 

sandy: but it's also a form of staying connected to the people who are no longer here.

Who gave you those cards? 

shannon: Do I need all of them? The amount of space they're taking up is 

sandy: unreasonable and you have to decide how many do you need to stay connected. 

shannon: But when it comes to the big things, for me, it comes down to feeling, how do I feel about it? Does my gut say yay or nay? Right? 

sandy: And there are actually [00:05:00] specific ways to make decisions.

There's steps you can take if you don't just run on feelings. 

shannon: Mm-hmm. 

sandy: The first one is define what really matters to you. Before comparing options, get clear on your values. What matters to you most right now? Stability, creativity, freedom, connection. Decisions are easier when you know what you're looking for.

shannon: I think you have to be careful with that one though, because what matters to you right now may not be what matters to you most. 

sandy: That is true, and you have to work on getting clear about that. 

shannon: Yeah, 

sandy: sometimes like you said, there are so many choices. You get overwhelmed, so it's important to limit your options 

shannon: sometimes.

That's rough. I mean, the other day I was standing in the shampoo aisle at Walmart 

sandy: and another huge decision. 

shannon: It's overwhelming, and I've also noticed that a lot of products are starting to look the same. Yeah, so the shampoos look the same as the lotions look, the same as the body washes. 

sandy: Me too. And 

shannon: your brain just.

Can't take it in. [00:06:00] So I wind up buying usually the same stuff I've always used because it just can't dive into the options. 

sandy: So you reduced your choices down to not really making one? Yeah. Well, you know, you made the choice. You just didn't look at all the options. You narrowed it down to, okay, what are the few I'm gonna look at here?

Even though there's entire shelf of these things. 

shannon: Mm-hmm. 

sandy: So if you reduce your choices down to three or five realistic ones, you'll make more confident decisions. True 

shannon: and gather enough information before you start making decisions. Know what it is you need. Know what it is you're looking for. Know what it is you want.

If I'd gone online and Googled what I actually wanted to put on my hair, then maybe going and standing in the aisle wouldn't have been so overwhelming. 

sandy: Right. You had to get clear and get your information first, and that goes for huge decisions as well as shampoo. Getting clear on what you want the end result to be and get enough information.

You may love a house, but if it's in a [00:07:00] neighborhood that could be a little sketchy or scary. What's most important? Is it that's beautiful home or is it a safe place to live? You have to get clear on the information and what is most important, 

shannon: and if you find. You can't stop researching. You're probably not ready to make a decision yet.

sandy: Yes, if you're just researching ad nauseum, see if you can stop and narrow it down and check your emotions. Like you were saying, notice how each option feels in your body. Sometimes your intuition will spot what your logic misses. So I find 

shannon: it really helpful when I'm trying to make a big decision or any decision to just make the decision.

Giving myself permission to back out of it. Yeah, so that I can see how my body reacts. Because you can spin out really easily if you're just running options through your head, right? But once you actually decide, then your body will tell you, that was the right choice or that was the wrong choice. 

sandy: Exactly, yes.

You have to pay attention to what things feel like and [00:08:00] be in touch with your body. And then once you've decided, then you can commit to it. Once your body says, yes, this is good, go for it. And your brain says, this meets all the criteria, then you can go for it. 

shannon: I think all those little decisions like, do I keep this dress?

Do I not keep this? I have gotten rid of a ton of stuff, and then a week later I've been like, oh man, I shouldn't have dumped that jacket. I really could have used it today. But when it comes to bigger decisions, be prepared for sometimes grief, just because if you're choosing to move to a new house or to get rid of gifts that your grandparents gave you a million years ago and they're not around anymore.

You may mourn the loss of those things, but that doesn't necessarily mean you should have kept them. 

sandy: Exactly. You have to be willing to let go of stuff and just keep the memories 

shannon: or let go of eras in your life. When it's time to move to a new house, it's time to move to a new house. But if you've lived in your house for 20 or 30 years, you're gonna feel something around it.

sandy: Yes, you'll take that with [00:09:00] you. Mm-hmm. And put that in your new house. Hopefully finding a new house is a fun thing. There are also decisions that are not too fun. Ending a relationship or leaving a job. Things like that that mm-hmm. Are difficult to make. And it's important to get clear and check your emotions and look at the pros and cons.

Then when you've sorted it all out, take action. 

shannon: And then the big question, what if you get it wrong? 

sandy: You have to see every unsuccessful decision as a learning opportunity. I've been reading some different interesting books that talk about the power of failure. How we never grow if we don't fail. Mm-hmm.

And if things don't work out, that's a positive in a lot of ways because you'll learn so much. So if your decision turns out to not have been the best, learn the lesson and allow yourself to grow. So next time you'll make your decisions with a better process. 

shannon: And sometimes things just aren't supposed to go the way you [00:10:00] want them to go.

I made a decision a long time ago to move across country from my career. And I don't regret making that decision, but both of my grandparents that I was really close to died while I was there. Yes. I don't know that I would've made a different decision, but there's a part of me that wonders 

sandy: what, you missed 

shannon: what I missed.

Could I have been there for you and dad and all those things. And I just kind of wasn't around. And I've sort of come to the conclusion over the years that that's just how it was supposed to be 

sandy: because there were so many reasons you were there professionally with friends. Personal growth was right. And with your brother, you were there for him when he needed you.

We couldn't have done that. You had to be there. So when you look back, there might be some regret, but there's also a whole lot of positive. And I think that's what we need to do with all decisions that don't go the way we want. Identify the positives that came out of it. So instead of aiming to be right, aim to be resilient because life isn't about making perfect decisions.

It's about [00:11:00] learning to adapt when they don't go as planned, which is exactly what you did, 

shannon: to be honest, you can make all the decisions in the world that you think are right for you, but they still might not turn out the way you hoped. Just being able to go through life with some degree of. Things are gonna go the way things are gonna go.

sandy: Yeah. You will do all the research and checking in with your gut and seeing how things feel and do all that stuff, and then you have to decide to take the plunge if it feels right, and it will work out the way it works out, and you will deal with it the way you deal with it. Resilience is a huge word here.

shannon: Yeah. 

sandy: So the bottom line is when you're facing a tough decision, ask yourself what matters most to me right now and what's the worst that can happen if I do or don't do this and can I handle that? Then ask, what is the best that can happen if I do this in five years? Will this still matter? You might be surprised how often these answers bring clarity.

Remember that clarity doesn't come from waiting, it comes from taking control, moving ahead and doing something. [00:12:00] So I think I'm gonna throw away that plastic container. 

shannon: You go, girl, and then we'll talk about the grief that follows next week. Thanks, mama. 

sandy: Thank you, Shanny. And thanks to our wonderful listeners for hanging in there with us on this podcast adventure.

shannon: And then tell us about the decisions you're having to make or the decisions that you've made in the past that were really hard and how they turned out. We love hearing your stories. We would also love for you to review our podcast. You can do that wherever you stream or visit your personal power pod.com.

Just click contact and drop us an email. And you can also chat with us on Instagram where you can find us at your personal Power Pod. And if you wanna learn about coaching and how it can change your life, contact Sandy and you can reach her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com. Thank you for listening. We look forward to hearing from you.

And until next time, find your power. And change your [00:13:00] life.