The Balance of Strength, Power, and Vulnerability

Strength and power are often seen as the same thing, but they function very differently in your life. And then there is vulnerability, which many people think is a weakness and the opposite of strength and power. Today on Your Personal Power Pod we look at the dynamics of strength, power, and vulnerability. Their importance in your life, what makes them different, how they intersect, and the positives and negatives of each.

We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. 

We’d love for you to review our podcast. Do this on your streaming service or visit www.yourpersonalpowerpod.com , click Contact and drop us an email. 

You can also find us on Instagram and YouTube at Your Personal Power Pod.

Also, if you’d like to make changes in your personal or business life, spending time with a coach can make all the difference.  Sandy is offering a free consultation, so contact her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING in the subject line to schedule a free call.

Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

[00:00:00] Shannon: Welcome to Your Personal Power Pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, Sandy Abel and Shannon Young.

[00:00:20] Sandy: Shannon, how are you today? 

[00:00:22] Shannon: Hi, Sandy. I am well. Today, I am enjoying the abrupt. Seasonal change that we've had in southern Oregon. It is suddenly and overwhelmingly fall, like overnight. 

[00:00:35] Sandy: I know, and it's so beautiful. The leaves are changing, and we had rain last night, and it's just so nice to have that kind of shift.

[00:00:42] Shannon: Yeah, yesterday was summer. 

[00:00:45] Sandy: Yeah, well, I love that about where we live is that we definitely have seasons. Yes. And none of them are extreme or dramatic, but they're all beautiful. Very cool. I'm glad that you're enjoying that. 

[00:00:58] Shannon: This is my favorite season. I [00:01:00] know it is not yours. And I'm sorry about that. 

[00:01:02] Sandy: There are parts I really like about it.

[00:01:04] Sandy: Why is it your favorite season? 

[00:01:06] Shannon: There's something about the energy of fall that matches mine. So I feel like I fit in the universe during fall, whereas at other times of year, I feel like maybe I'm moving too fast or too slow to keep up with the rest of the world. And I just don't feel that way in fall.

[00:01:25] Sandy: That's fascinating. Maybe we should explore that more one of these days. That would be fun. 

[00:01:30] Shannon: Welcome to my weirdness. 

[00:01:33] Sandy: I think it's your awesomeness. 

[00:01:36] Shannon: Thank you. So what are we talking about today? 

[00:01:38] Sandy: Today we're talking about strength, power, and vulnerability. People often think that strength and power are the same thing, but they're really very different and function differently in your life.

[00:01:51] Sandy: Then there's vulnerability, which many people think is a weakness, but really the opposite is true. As long as you can use boundaries, [00:02:00] vulnerability is a real good strength. 

[00:02:03] Shannon: The three of them together are kind of like two of these guys are doing the same thing. One of these guys is doing their own thing.

[00:02:09] Shannon: Vulnerability isn't a word that I think most people would put with strength and power. 

[00:02:13] Sandy: I know, but it takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable. 

[00:02:17] Shannon: That's true. Okay. So tell us about strength. 

[00:02:20] Sandy: Strength is resilience, the ability to endure challenges, push through obstacles. It's that internal force that keeps you going even when the odds are stacked against you.

[00:02:32] Sandy: You see that a lot in the military or on the football field. It's a quiet, personal, deeply internal thing that you use just to keep going. Persisting. 

[00:02:43] Shannon: I like that you say it's quiet because I've noticed often in my life when I need to dig down deep and keep going through something, talking about how uncomfortable I am or how much I hate this makes it harder [00:03:00] to do that.

[00:03:01] Sandy: Yeah, and it makes it bigger actually. It makes 

[00:03:03] Shannon: it bigger. And so often you see this on social media, people will complain about relationships or jobs, bosses they don't like, or situations that are really hard for them. And I always want to say you're amplifying the problem. Yes, exactly. Keep this to yourself.

[00:03:20] Shannon: It's hard to explain it, but really the phrase digging down deep is what it feels like. 

[00:03:26] Sandy: Yeah, you just be firm and unwavering and clear on where you're going, what you're going to do, and you're resilient. You don't let things stop you. 

[00:03:36] Shannon: Is it the same as grit? 

[00:03:37] Sandy: Yeah, I would think strength and grit are pretty similar.

[00:03:40] Sandy: What do you think? 

[00:03:41] Shannon: Grit has more of a rawness to it, more of a jagged edge, I think, but they feel, maybe when you say the military, like I've known people who've been in the military and especially Marines like to talk about the suck factor and about how that's kind of a source of pride for them that the harder things are, the [00:04:00] more they like it because they have to flex that strength muscle.

[00:04:03] Sandy: Yeah. It helps you persevere through difficulties and grow from adversity. And it also helps you build self trust. When you know you can withstand challenges, you trust yourself more deeply. 

[00:04:15] Shannon: That's nice. This is where that phrase bend before you break comes from. Like learn how to adapt and bend rather than being inflexible and snapping.

[00:04:27] Sandy: Yeah, exactly. Although there is a downside to relying too heavily on your strength because you can become so focused on being strong that you ignore your own emotional needs or burn out. Yes. That you over identify with your strength. That can create a barrier to vulnerability. 

[00:04:45] Shannon: There's a really interesting book I read forever ago, I think I even interviewed the author called Survival Who Lives, who Dies, and Why.

[00:04:54] Sandy: Wow. 

[00:04:55] Shannon: It's a really fascinating book. And one of the stories he tells is about a Navy SEAL [00:05:00] type guy, die hard, you know, lived through anything, who went rafting one time, fell out of the raft, and they were trying to get him to come back into the raft. And he just laughed and shrugged it off and was like, I got this, I can survive anything.

[00:05:14] Shannon: And he drowned. 

[00:05:15] Sandy: Oh, no. Oh, dear. Because 

[00:05:17] Shannon: he was so focused on being strong and tough that he didn't pay attention to the signs and do what he needed to do to save himself. 

[00:05:26] Sandy: Oh, that's really a sad story, but very powerful, and it explains strength is really important, but you also have to not let it kill you.

[00:05:35] Sandy: If you over identify with it, it can create terrible problems. 

[00:05:39] Shannon: I guess part of being strong is knowing your weaknesses. 

[00:05:41] Sandy: Exactly. And then there's power, which is different because it's about influence. The ability to create change, either within yourself or in the world around you. And it's more external.

[00:05:52] Sandy: Strength is internal. It's how you move through things. Power is more external and expressed in many forms, through [00:06:00] words, actions, or presence. 

[00:06:01] Shannon: They're kind of hard to tell apart. I guess when you know somebody who's powerful, You can see them as strong, but are they subsets? Like, is power part of being strong, or is being strong part of being powerful?

[00:06:17] Sandy: I think they can go together, but they can be very separate. You can be powerful, uplift, and control people. It's how it's used, whether it's good or bad. Strength is an internal thing, how you control yourself, basically. And power is more external, how you control yourself and others. 

[00:06:37] Shannon: So like for some reason I'm thinking about Taylor Swift, who is without a doubt a strong person.

[00:06:42] Shannon: You don't get where she is without being strong. 

[00:06:45] Sandy: Right. 

[00:06:46] Shannon: But because she is that strong and has gotten to where she is, And the way she runs her life and moves through the world, she is powerful. 

[00:06:54] Sandy: Right. And with her, power is really positive because it's rooted in empathy and [00:07:00] responsibility and can lead to great leadership and innovation and inspiration, which is what she does.

[00:07:04] Sandy: She spreads good in the world. I read somewhere that every city she performs in, she gives 100, 000 to the local food bank. 

[00:07:15] Shannon: Mm hmm. 

[00:07:15] Sandy: She didn't make a big deal out of that. She just does it. And that is powerful. 

[00:07:20] Shannon: With great power comes great responsibility. 

[00:07:23] Sandy: Yes, it does. And power without integrity can be really destructive.

[00:07:27] Shannon: Oh, interesting. You 

[00:07:29] Sandy: look at some world leaders, they have a lot of power and they are incredibly destructive. Mm hmm. 

[00:07:35] Shannon: Yes. 

[00:07:36] Sandy: And it's terrifying. They're probably internally strong and think they have the right to make these things happen, but it's a scary thing. 

[00:07:44] Shannon: So when it's used well, it's energizing, not just for yourself, but for those around you.

[00:07:50] Shannon: And it allows you to affect change in the world, advocate for what's right, set healthy boundaries and doing that even inspires other people to tap [00:08:00] into their own strengths. 

[00:08:01] Sandy: Yeah, just like Taylor Swift is doing. But the negative side of power is when it's used to manipulate or dominate. When you chase power for its own sake, it can be really toxic.

[00:08:12] Sandy: And we've all seen how power, unchecked, can corrupt relationships, organizations, societies. 

[00:08:19] Shannon: So where does vulnerability come in? Why are we tacking that one on as part of the trio today? 

[00:08:25] Sandy: Because it's a really important balance of it's often seen as the opposite of strength, but it's really just another kind of strength.

[00:08:33] Sandy: Being vulnerable is about allowing yourself to be seen as you are, imperfections and all. It's showing up authentically, even when there's a risk involved. 

[00:08:43] Shannon: I had a boyfriend a million years ago who was one of the most isolated human beings I'd ever met, and he made some comment about how I'm the strongest person you'll ever meet, because I don't allow anybody in.

[00:08:56] Sandy: Oh, that's kind of hard to be a girlfriend for that. [00:09:00] 

[00:09:00] Shannon: Well, yeah, that's why we are. Well, that's not together. Not together. I responded, actually, I think that makes you one of the weakest. 

[00:09:09] Sandy: Very wise. And he probably didn't like that. 

[00:09:13] Shannon: It's wild that that is the conversation that I remember. But he looked really shocked.

[00:09:18] Shannon: Yeah. Like, if I can just keep myself locked in and put up walls around my heart, then I'll be safe. And really, you're just killing yourself. 

[00:09:26] Sandy: If he'd been able to be vulnerable, he might have had a much happier life and would be able to have relationships. He probably came from a family where it wasn't safe to be vulnerable.

[00:09:37] Sandy: And so he learned, probably from a very young age, to just shut himself off and not allow vulnerability in. 

[00:09:45] Shannon: And then you don't get meaningful experiences, and it's really hard to grow. 

[00:09:50] Sandy: Yeah, vulnerability opens the door to connection. And without it, you get stuck in a pattern of self protection, like your boyfriend, which keeps you isolated.

[00:09:59] Shannon: It's [00:10:00] hard to be vulnerable, though. It is. It feels like you're exposing your soft underbelly, like it feels like weakness. 

[00:10:06] Sandy: Yeah. The really important thing is you choose with whom and where and when to be vulnerable. It can be taken advantage of, or you could be judged or rejected. It could lead to harm and, you know, you could be in an unsafe place.

[00:10:22] Sandy: So it's important to be aware of the people you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable with. And when to be strong and make the distinction for that. 

[00:10:31] Shannon: So this is where trust comes in, allowing somebody to show you that they're trustworthy before you say, okay, I'll show you a little bit more about me.

[00:10:39] Sandy: Exactly. It's a process to be vulnerable. You don't just walk in and open your heart and let anybody access it. It's a process of learning and growing, and it needs to be used wisely and in the right context with the right people. 

[00:10:52] Shannon: This was a hard lesson for me to learn. How about for you? 

[00:10:56] Sandy: Not so much as you.

[00:10:58] Sandy: You used to [00:11:00] lead with your heart, always. And I worried about you a lot because you are loving and caring and open. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable when I was afraid it wasn't safe. 

[00:11:12] Shannon: It attracts a whole lot of crazy. In my world it did, anyway. 

[00:11:17] Sandy: Well because you weren't able to set boundaries, you just kept trying and leaning with your heart even when the other person was not emotionally or physically safe.

[00:11:27] Sandy: So you gotta know when it's safe to open up or when you need to protect your energy and put up boundaries. 

[00:11:34] Shannon: Mm. And that's just a process of trial and error. 

[00:11:36] Sandy: Yeah. And you start without being vulnerable. You start just getting to know somebody a little bit. And if they tell you something like that boyfriend did, you go, okay, I'm not going to open up to him because there's no safety here.

[00:11:49] Shannon: Yeah. So how do we find the balance between strength, power, and vulnerability? 

[00:11:53] Sandy: Well, the key lies in integration, recognizing that you don't have to choose one over the other. Strength is important, [00:12:00] but so is vulnerability. Power can be a force for good when it's used with empathy, or for evil when it's used for harm.

[00:12:08] Sandy: You need the inner strength to endure life's challenges, the external power to create the change you want to see, and the vulnerability to connect with others and be real with yourself. 

[00:12:19] Shannon: That feels like where it starts, being real with yourself, paying attention to what's going on with you, just kind of monitoring how you're feeling in any given situation.

[00:12:31] Shannon: And then you kind of start to feel, Oh, it's okay to be a little bit more open here. I probably shouldn't. be showing all of who I am right now. Like there's a time and a place, but if you aren't paying attention to what your gut is telling you or how your body's feeling in any given situation, then you run the risk of moving in the wrong direction.

[00:12:50] Sandy: Exactly. Real power comes from understanding that strength doesn't mean hiding your emotions. And vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness. It's about knowing which part of yourself to [00:13:00] lean on in different situations. 

[00:13:02] Shannon: That is key! Right there. 

[00:13:05] Sandy: And it's important to have all three and be in touch with all three.

[00:13:11] Sandy: And that is key. 

[00:13:13] Shannon: I think saying strength doesn't mean hiding your emotions. 

[00:13:17] Sandy: Sometimes it takes strength to show your emotions. 

[00:13:21] Shannon: But there's a time and a place. 

[00:13:22] Sandy: Of course. All of this is subject to discretion. 

[00:13:26] Shannon: I was shopping the other day at some store I didn't need to be in. And the clerk was very nice and friendly.

[00:13:34] Shannon: She said, how are you? And I said, I'm great. How are you? And she said, I'm having a really bad day. I'm at work. You know, I don't really want to be at work, but I have my break in 10 minutes and that's good. And I was like, Oh, that was more information than I needed and was not professional in the least. And I'm sorry, you're having a bad day and you don't want to be at work, but kind of your job is to not be complaining to your customers.

[00:13:59] Shannon: And I [00:14:00] was like, wow, she knows what she's feeling, but she didn't need to be telling me that. 

[00:14:05] Sandy: Well, she opened herself up and was vulnerable, but it wasn't the right place was definitely not the right place. 

[00:14:12] Shannon: Right, and part of it was I lost a little bit of respect for her, which means she lost some power.

[00:14:19] Sandy: Yes, she gave away her power by doing that. 

[00:14:21] Shannon: You gotta know when. 

[00:14:23] Sandy: The whole thing, all three of these, are about being in touch with them for yourself and being

[00:14:32] Shannon: I never would have put these three together. That's really interesting. 

[00:14:35] Sandy: And the bottom line is that strength, power and vulnerability are all qualities that you have. Everybody has them on different levels. If you choose to use them, strength keeps you grounded. Power helps you grow and vulnerability connects you to others.

[00:14:50] Sandy: All three are essential, but they need to be in balance. And that balance is deeply personal. It'll look different for everybody. But the goal is to be aware [00:15:00] of when you're overusing one and underusing the other. There's no shame in needing help or admitting when something is hard. That's part of your strength.

[00:15:08] Shannon: That's beautiful. Thanks, Sandy. 

[00:15:11] Sandy: Well, thank you, Shannon, and thank you to our listeners. We hope that you are finding value in what we do and that you are able to get in touch with your strength, your power, and your vulnerability and use them to your best advantage. 

[00:15:24] Shannon: And we would love to hear moments in your life where you chose vulnerability and where doing so helped you evolve.

[00:15:33] Shannon: Tell us those stories. Those are super magical moments. And then also, if you have ideas for a future podcast, share those with us, please. And you can do that by going to YourPersonalPowerPod. com, click the contact button, and then send us an email. You can also visit us on our YouTube channel, subscribe there, share that with your friends and family, get them in on the conversation.

[00:15:54] Shannon: And if you are looking for a little bit of support, wanting to move forward in your life, I And wanna learn about [00:16:00] coaching. Contact Sandy at sandy@insidejobscoach.com. And until next time, find your power and change your life.