Claiming Your Personal Power

When you have personal power it means you have the ability to influence and control your life, circumstances, and how the people around you treat you. It’s the capacity to act and make choices according to your values, goals, and beliefs. Whether or not you choose to claim your personal power is always up to you.  Unfortunately, when you choose to not access your power there can be many negative consequences.  In today’s episode of Your Personal Power Pod, we talk about personal power, what it is, where you get it, and what happens when you don’t use it.


We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. We’d love for you to review our podcast. Do this on your streaming service or visit www.yourpersonalpowerpod.com , click Contact and drop us an email. You can also find us on Instagram at Your Personal Power Pod.

Also, if you’d like to make changes in your personal or business life, spending time with a coach can make all the difference.  Sandy is offering a free consultation, so contact her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING in the subject line to schedule a free call.

Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

E92 Claiming Your Personal Power

[00:00:00] Shannon: Welcome to your personal power pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, Sandy Abel and Shannon Young.

[00:00:21] Shannon: Hi Shannon. 

[00:00:23] Sandy: How are you this day? I am great. How are you? 

[00:00:26] Shannon: I am well, thank you. I'm pleased that we are revisiting the topic that started this entire podcast today. Yes, 

[00:00:35] Sandy: it's very exciting. Our very first episode two and a half years ago was about personal power and we thought maybe it was time for us to look at it once again and give our listeners the opportunity to see how they're doing with claiming their personal 

[00:00:52] Shannon: power.

[00:00:52] Shannon: Yes, because it's one thing to know what it is. It's another to actively grab hold of it and incorporate 

[00:00:59] Sandy: it into your life. [00:01:00] Yes, there's a big difference there. And when you have personal power, it means you have the ability to influence or control your life. You choose how the people around you treat you.

[00:01:11] Sandy: It's the capacity to act and make choices according to your values, goals, and beliefs. Mm hmm. 

[00:01:17] Shannon: And if you don't claim your personal power, it can negatively affect your 

[00:01:22] Sandy: life. Absolutely. In many, many ways. So we hope that our listeners are all in charge of their lives, but we're going to look at this anyway because it's important to understand that when you don't claim your personal power, you will feel helpless and dependent on other people.

[00:01:40] Sandy: And you might feel stuck in a negative situation and think that you're powerless to change your circumstances. So you are just stuck and miserable. And then your self esteem is low and you have self doubt. 

[00:01:54] Shannon: Yeah. And then all of those things can lead to making poor decisions and you might be [00:02:00] struggling to make choices that align with your values because you're feeling such a lack of 

[00:02:04] Sandy: control over your life.

[00:02:06] Sandy: Right, and you're letting other people tell you what to do instead of you choosing to make your own decisions. You don't have any boundaries. You find it challenging to establish boundaries, and that can really affect relationships, both personal and at work. 

[00:02:23] Shannon: And it can affect the direction you go in as well when it comes to setting and achieving goals, whether in your personal life or your work life.

[00:02:30] Shannon: It can be really hard to do that if you're giving up your power. And even if you do set goals, you may find that you're not as resilient as you might have been. It's harder to bounce back from challenges and it may lead to kind of a perpetual cycle of setbacks and 

[00:02:45] Sandy: discouragement. Yeah, it can. just self perpetuate horribly, then it can affect your mental and physical and emotional health in a negative way.

[00:02:55] Sandy: You'll become stressed and anxious and you'll just be sick and that doesn't [00:03:00] work either. So when you don't claim your personal power, there's a lot of negativity around that. It can be 

[00:03:06] Shannon: cyclical. I know in my life, I have pretty much had good self esteem for most of my life, thanks to my amazing mother who made sure I knew all this stuff from a young age.

[00:03:16] Shannon: But there was a point in my 40s, especially when I was still single and the world started treating me differently as a single 40 year old woman. People were suddenly very concerned about me. I felt like I dated everybody. in this town already who was available. And I started making some really bad choices out of this kind of, it was a sense of desperation, but it also really was just like a reaction to the feedback I was getting from people like my dentist who made really inappropriate comments about me being single.

[00:03:54] Shannon: And because of that, I started feeling really out of control. I felt like I was flailing. I was [00:04:00] giving away my personal power. I wasn't saying, Hey, you know what? If I'm just going to be single my whole life, then awesome. I'm going to make this the best single life possible. Instead, I was trying really hard to make something happen that obviously wasn't going well.

[00:04:13] Shannon: It took a long time to kind of regain my footing. 

[00:04:16] Sandy: Wow. Thank you for sharing that. Sounds like it was a difficult time and it's wonderful that you were able to realize what was going on and get a grip on that and turn it around. When you claim your personal power, you're much more likely to have a strong sense of self confidence and self awareness and autonomy than you can move ahead and live the life you want to live.

[00:04:39] Sandy: After that, it doesn't really matter what the other people think. It's not about them. It's about you saying, Hey, this is me. And you having increased self confidence, you believe in your abilities and are more likely to take on challenges with a positive attitude and ignore the other people. 

[00:04:57] Shannon: And make better decisions.

[00:04:59] Shannon: I was [00:05:00] making decisions that didn't necessarily align with my values or my goals. Just out of this weird desire to not be a freak. It felt like I was just a freak of nature in town. And I was just feeling like I needed to be part of a couple for people to treat me okay. That's not how I 

[00:05:19] Sandy: live my life. No, not at all.

[00:05:22] Shannon: So I just felt really out of control. And it also made it really hard to communicate. Yeah. Because I wasn't clear about what was going on with me, and so it was really hard to communicate effectively with anybody. You guys, friends, people I was dating, you know. 

[00:05:40] Sandy: Right. When you do claim your personal power, it makes your relationships much healthier and makes all of your environment, work, social, whatever, much more comfortable for you to function in.

[00:05:52] Sandy: Um, Mm hmm. Which is sounds like what you did, Shan. Eventually, you said, Wait a minute, I'm just me and I like being me. So get [00:06:00] off my back and go live your life. Right, right. And you were resilient when you claimed your power. You said, Wait a minute, I'm not going to let anything set me back or become a challenge.

[00:06:11] Sandy: I'm in charge. 

[00:06:12] Shannon: Yes. I think we've all been in those positions where we're already feeling down about something and then something else happens and it's really damaging. It can make you just feel like, oh man, I'm not good at anything. Whereas if you have good self esteem and you're claiming your personal power, it's much easier to go, you know what, today's a pretty crappy day, but ultimately I know I'm capable and can figure things out.

[00:06:35] Shannon: I'm just going to get over this and move on. But that's a conscious choice. 

[00:06:41] Sandy: And tomorrow will be a great day. 

[00:06:42] Shannon: Right. 

[00:06:43] Sandy: That's great. Then you have the ability and the internal strength, and that's what personal power is. Internal strength to define and achieve your goals. And you did that. 

[00:06:54] Shannon: Good job. It's also, I think, important to note that when you're claiming your personal power [00:07:00] in a healthy way.

[00:07:01] Shannon: Other people are more likely to look up to you, to follow you. If you're in a position of management or leadership at work or school or wherever, you've probably seen people whose lives are out of control, who are in positions of authority, and it's really hard to respect them and follow them. And so if you're claiming your personal power and creating boundaries, it's confusing.

[00:07:24] Shannon: It's confusing and scary because you don't know where they're leading you off a cliff, maybe? Right. Yeah. If you're taking control of your life and setting boundaries and being congruent with your values and your goals, then that kind of behavior will draw other people to you and make them more inclined to respect you, follow you, trust you, all those fun things 

[00:07:48] Sandy: we all want.

[00:07:49] Sandy: Absolutely. And like you said, when you're congruent, you walk your talk, you are who you say you are. And if you want anybody to be in your life and [00:08:00] respect you, you have to be congruent and claiming your personal power is a big part of that. So how do we get there? You can develop your personal power in a lot of ways and it's so important to do it.

[00:08:11] Sandy: First of all, you work on appreciating and valuing yourself and increasing your self esteem and your self confidence. Start noticing What an amazing human being you are and stop shooting on yourself. And so it's really important that you understand you're lovable and worthy and valuable and as good as, or maybe even better than everybody else.

[00:08:34] Sandy: You 

[00:08:34] Shannon: used to tell me that when I was growing up, you would say, no matter where you are or what you're doing, always remember you are as good as anybody. And that was really helpful. 

[00:08:44] Sandy: Cool. I'm glad it worked. And that's important for kids to hear. That's important for everybody to hear. As good as is really important and very true.

[00:08:53] Sandy: And in a lot of areas, you might be better than other people. And you don't get arrogant about that. You [00:09:00] just be proud of yourself. Yes. So you start identifying what does and does not work for you, and then create boundaries around those things. And 

[00:09:08] Shannon: it truly is kind of a fake it till you make it situation sometimes.

[00:09:12] Shannon: If you're not feeling particularly confident, acting confident can bring about feelings of confidence. So work on presenting yourself in a confident, assertive, respectful way, and then those things will become 

[00:09:25] Sandy: true for you. Absolutely. That makes the big difference. People will perceive you as being strong and in control of yourself, and then they will treat you that way and see that you're treating yourself that way.

[00:09:38] Sandy: And it's also important to learn to communicate well, actively listen, make eye contact, and be collaborative. You don't need to be on your own by yourself all the time. Yes. It's hard 

[00:09:49] Shannon: to portray confidence if you aren't making eye contact with people. So communication 

[00:09:56] Sandy: is a big deal. It is. And you can't claim your power if [00:10:00] you don't act in a confident way.

[00:10:02] Sandy: And also you have to allow yourself to have and voice opinions and pay attention to yourself as well as other people. You set and enforce boundaries around what behaviors you will and will not accept from other people. That's really important. Many people don't have those boundaries and it creates a lot of problems in relationships and also affects your confidence and your self esteem.

[00:10:28] Sandy: If you allow people to treat you badly, It's going to damage how you feel about yourself as well as how they feel about you. So pay attention if you're undermining yourself. And when we talk 

[00:10:38] Shannon: about being okay, voicing your opinion, allowing yourself to have an opinion, there's a way to do that without putting other people down.

[00:10:46] Shannon: This is where communication comes in really handy. Learn how to say what's on your mind in a way that's respectful to people. It's incredibly powerful. We're not talking about putting anybody else down being negative [00:11:00] about their opinions. There is a way to say, Oh yeah, I can see where you're coming from.

[00:11:04] Shannon: This is how I feel about this. Does that make sense to you? You don't have to be 

[00:11:08] Sandy: a jerk. Exactly. And you don't even have to ask them if it makes sense to them. If you don't really want to know, you can just say, that's your opinion. This is where I'm coming from. Let's agree to disagree if we can't find common ground.

[00:11:21] Sandy: Because we're still both dynamite people, and we have a fabulous relationship here that we're not going to let this issue or this opinion get in the way of. And when you have personal power, you can do that. And you can Talk about what you think and feel without putting the other person down. Yeah. And that is a form of setting boundaries.

[00:11:41] Sandy: Exactly. Which is what you do when you have personal power. And always act in a reliable and trustworthy manner. People have to be able to count on you to do what you say you'll do, be who you say you are. And when you claim your personal power, you do that. 

[00:11:59] Shannon: [00:12:00] Absolutely. And one of the best ways I've found to kind of create my personal power for me is just to pay attention to what my body is feeling.

[00:12:10] Shannon: Because if I'm violating one of my values in either The way I'm treating myself or the way I'm approaching the world, I'll feel it. I'll feel all twisted up inside. Sometimes writing in a journal can help sometimes just stepping outside yourself and paying attention from a different vantage point can help you see.

[00:12:31] Shannon: I'm not acting in a way that's congruent with what I believe or would I treat other people the way I'm treating myself? Giving yourself a different perspective on your behavior can help you identify whether you're acting in a way that claims your power or if you're negating 

[00:12:47] Sandy: that. Yeah, giving away your power.

[00:12:49] Sandy: That's very true. You have to pay attention to who you are. Yep. And observe non judgmentally. Don't judge yourself. Just say, Oh, look, I'm doing this. Hmm. [00:13:00] Do I want to do this? Maybe I do. Maybe I'd like to do it differently. How can I do that? And then create a plan to do that. But don't be hard on yourself.

[00:13:09] Sandy: Don't do the, Oh, I'm such a bad person. And nah, just look. Objectively, at how you're behaving, and if you're giving away your power, if you're not setting boundaries, if you're letting other people walk on you or control you, and you don't like it, learn to say, no, that does not work for me. As I've said, that's one of my very favorite phrases, to say, I'm sorry, that does not work for me, I will not do that.

[00:13:34] Sandy: How about if we do this? And you come up with an alternative. Because nobody can argue with that. That that is claiming your power. They can't. You don't tell them why it doesn't work for you because then you've just given them something to argue about. But they can't argue if you just say, I'm sorry, that 

[00:13:49] Shannon: doesn't work for me.

[00:13:50] Shannon: And the really cool thing about this is, you can see it happen in real time. The second you set a boundary and enforce your boundary respectfully, people will start to respect you. [00:14:00] I've seen this on social media several times in different forms, but essentially it says the only people who have problems with you setting boundaries are the people who benefit from you not having 

[00:14:10] Sandy: any.

[00:14:10] Sandy: Oh, that's beautiful. And that's so perfect. And it's right. When you set boundaries. People may not appreciate it, they may not like it, and they may push against it. And you can calmly say, no, this is where I'm going, this is what I'm doing, and I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that's what's happening. Mm hmm.

[00:14:28] Sandy: Claim your power, always. 

[00:14:30] Shannon: And that is how you know when the right people enter your life. People who 

[00:14:33] Sandy: respect that. Yes. The people who argue with it. It's time maybe to let them go. The people who like you just the way you are being strong and powerful and confident and in control of your life. Those are the people you want to keep.

[00:14:47] Sandy: Yeah. Claim your personal power, please. Would you like to wrap us up? Of course. You have personal power when you have the ability to influence and control your life's circumstances and set [00:15:00] boundaries around how you will and will not allow others to treat you. When you don't claim your personal power, there can be many negative consequences, including making poor choices, putting up with destructive relationships, and harming your mental, physical, and emotional health.

[00:15:15] Sandy: When you do claim your personal power, you have the ability to control your life and make it be what you want it to be. Surround yourself with the people who support you and make you happy. When you have personal power, you will also be more resilient, bounce back when things don't work out, and be mentally and physically healthy.

[00:15:33] Sandy: There are many ways to develop your personal power, including appreciating yourself and increasing your self esteem, exercising your right to have a voice and an opinion, and setting boundaries around yourself and what behaviors you will and will not accept from others. When you do this, other people will treat you with respect and you will be able to create the life of your dreams.

[00:15:56] Sandy: So the bottom line is being able to claim your personal power [00:16:00] is crucial for leading a fulfilling and meaningful life since it empowers you to take control of your destiny and make choices that align with who you are. That's beautiful. Thank you, Mama. And thank you, Shannon, and thank you to our listeners.

[00:16:13] Sandy: I hope you are all out there living the life that you want to live and claiming your power to make that happen. And thank you so much for listening and doing this podcast adventure with us. And 

[00:16:25] Shannon: keep sending us your comments, please, because we love to hear your stories. We love to hear how your experience with claiming your personal power is playing out and how it's positively affected your life.

[00:16:37] Shannon: And we also love it when you suggest topics for us. And quite a few of our best episodes have come from you guys. So please continue to send us those ideas. And you can also review our podcast if you wouldn't mind. It really helps us, actually. And it helps us. In the direction that we're going, you can do that wherever you stream, or you can visit yourpersonalpowerpod.

[00:16:56] Shannon: com, click contact, and just drop us an email to talk to us directly. And if [00:17:00] you want to learn about how coaching can change your life, you can talk to Sandy by emailing her at sandyinsidejobscoach. com. We, as always, look forward to hearing from you, and until next time, find your power and change your life.