Sympathy, Empathy, and Compassion

Being able to feel and express sympathy, empathy and compassion is an important part of every healthy relationship.  Most people are able to do this on some level, but some get confused and go overboard with one when another one would be more appropriate. Also, some people aren’t able to do any of these, which causes problems for the people in their lives.  In today’s episode of Your Personal Power Pod, we look at sympathy, empathy and compassion, and the way they impact your relationships.


We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. We’d love for you to review our podcast. Do this on your streaming service or visit www.yourpersonalpowerpod.com , click Contact and drop us an email. You can also find us on Instagram at Your Personal Power Pod.

Also, if you’d like to make changes in your personal or business life, spending time with a coach can make all the difference.  Sandy is offering a free consultation, so contact her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING in the subject line to schedule a free call.

Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

E93 Sympathy Empathy and Compassion

[00:00:00] Shannon: Welcome to your personal power pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, Sandy Abel and Shannon Young.

[00:00:21] Sandy: How are you today? Good 

[00:00:22] Shannon: morning, Sandy. I am well. I love this time of year. So I'm super excited that we are at the beginning of the 

[00:00:29] Sandy: holiday season. How are you? I agree a hundred percent. The trees are beautiful. Oh my goodness. They're so spectacular. Red and yellow and orange and purple leaves and just amazing and the air is crisp and we get to wear our sweaters and boots and Everybody is just a little happier around the holidays, which is very nice.

[00:00:53] Sandy: Yeah, it's 

[00:00:53] Shannon: lovely. And this time of year, we spend a lot of time thinking about other people, which [00:01:00] ideally we're doing all year round, but especially during the holiday season, we're faced with more and more obvious opportunities. I thought today it would be a nice idea to talk about compassion and then some of the other emotions that go along with 

[00:01:15] Sandy: that.

[00:01:16] Sandy: Absolutely. All very, very important in any relationship. Today we're talking about sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Sometimes people think they're all the same and they are similar, but being able to express all three of those. It's a really important part of every healthy relationship. Today we're going to sort of sort them out.

[00:01:38] Sandy: When you express sympathy, you're acknowledging someone else's pain. You're feeling sorry or pity for their misfortune. Without really understanding their feelings, you're just seeing that they're suffering and it makes you sad for them. It's sort of a surface level acknowledgement where you're able to understand that the person is feeling [00:02:00] sad and recognize that they're in pain, but you don't feel it yourself.

[00:02:04] Sandy: Mm hmm. 

[00:02:05] Shannon: It's kind of the gateway emotion. It says, yeah, I recognize that you're hurting, but it doesn't go a whole lot more deep than that. It's, it's the starting point for the other 

[00:02:14] Sandy: two. Yeah. When somebody has a relative pass away and we're not really close to those people, but we like them and they're friends.

[00:02:22] Sandy: We give them a sympathy card, which says, we are sorry you're going through this. We're sorry this happened. We hope that it gets better soon, but we're not jumping in and saying, oh my goodness, I really feel this with you. What can we do? Sympathy is just acknowledging the other person's pain. Yes. Where the next step is empathy, which goes much deeper.

[00:02:46] Sandy: And that's the bridge that connects us, really. It fosters understanding and unity, and it's the ability to feel and understand and share the feelings and experiences of another person. Yes, 

[00:02:58] Shannon: it's about putting yourself in someone [00:03:00] else's shoes and experiencing their emotions as if they were your own. It's saying, I hurt with you.

[00:03:06] Shannon: I feel this too. I know what you're going through because I've been 

[00:03:10] Sandy: there. Right. When you are deeply feeling what another person is feeling, maybe because you've been there before and you really know what that feels like, or just because You're a really empathetic person and can connect with those feelings, that is empathy.

[00:03:27] Shannon: And it's important, not just for your relationship, but it's important societally, because it creates authentic connections and allows you to appreciate diverse perspectives. And also it promotes compassion 

[00:03:40] Sandy: and tolerance. Absolutely. I think we need a whole lot more empathy in our world today. People would be much more able to support and empower one another and be tolerant of where people are coming from if we had more empathy.

[00:03:56] Sandy: It's important to know that empathy isn't just about negative [00:04:00] things. You can feel empathy when you see somebody really, really happy, and you can share in that joy. For example, when somebody walks in the room and is smiling or doing a happy dance, that makes you smile too, and you participate in that 

[00:04:15] Shannon: feeling.

[00:04:15] Shannon: There are few things as cool as being excited 

[00:04:18] Sandy: for someone. Yes, and you have that effect on people, Shan. You have the kind of smile and energy that when you walk in a room and you're happy, suddenly everybody's happy. It's quite powerful what you have. And we can all empathize with the fact that you are just having a dynamite day.

[00:04:40] Sandy: And that is really, really fun. 

[00:04:42] Shannon: Thank you. I know it goes the other way around, too. 

[00:04:46] Sandy: Well, yes, that's true. 

[00:04:49] Shannon: So then compassion is what we're engaging in when we feel both sympathy and empathy, recognizing the other person is in whatever emotional state they're in, [00:05:00] and then also feeling that along with 

[00:05:02] Sandy: them.

[00:05:02] Sandy: Right. And when you're compassionate, it goes one step farther. It's a proactive response where you actually take action to do something to alleviate the other person's pain. When you're compassionate, you're not running away from suffering, and you're not feeling overwhelmed by suffering, and you're not pretending the suffering doesn't exist.

[00:05:23] Sandy: So when you are practicing compassion, you can stay present with suffering. You listen as someone shares a problem. Active listening is a very powerful, compassionate thing to do. And I think we've all had the experience of when we're upset, if somebody sits down, makes eye contact with us, just says, tell me how you're feeling, tell me what's happening and what's going on, and listens and responds in a supportive way, not a judgmental way, that is incredibly powerful.

[00:05:56] Sandy: You don't try to fix or solve the situation, you just [00:06:00] listen without judgment. Having a compassionate listener can make all the difference. I never 

[00:06:06] Shannon: realized that compassion is actually a process. Can you explain that? Well, 

[00:06:11] Sandy: it's being aware of somebody's suffering. You're having sympathetic concern related to being emotionally moved by that suffering.

[00:06:20] Sandy: You're empathetic about what's going on. You feel what's happening for them. And you want to see relief from the suffering. And that's where the compassion steps in. You don't only acknowledge that something has happened and feel it along with the person. You want to do something, take action in some way to alleviate the suffering.

[00:06:42] Sandy: the suffering. So you are responsive and ready to help in whatever way you can. But it's about 

[00:06:48] Shannon: allowing the other person to take the 

[00:06:50] Sandy: lead? Yes. They're the ones who are hurting. You can feel that they're hurting, you can see that they're hurting, and you can be there for them, [00:07:00] but it's not your pain. You just are able to support them fully, 100%.

[00:07:08] Sandy: And that's what compassion is. This is 

[00:07:10] Shannon: one of the reasons that there's so much attention given to people in positions in the healthcare industry or the counseling world or massage therapists. People who are coming up against suffering, stress, trauma on a regular basis because they want to be there for the people having these issues, but they don't want to take it home with them.

[00:07:36] Sandy: That's really tricky. They're in these jobs because they are compassionate people. They care enough about other people that they get training to become a caregiver or a therapist. They give with their heart as well as their mind, but they also have to be able to take care of themselves. And if they don't, they'll get something that's called empathy fatigue, which is [00:08:00] where they have just given, given, given, given, given, and not getting anything back to replenish themselves.

[00:08:06] Sandy: All people who are really compassionate and are in situations where their compassion is needed all day, every day, have to find a way to take care of themselves in the process. I 

[00:08:20] Shannon: thought it was really interesting that you said that compassion is a renewable resource, that if you can feel compassion and take action and actually do something to alleviate somebody's pain, you're less likely to burn out.

[00:08:33] Shannon: I've noticed with friends of mine who work for the DHS, the Department of Health and Human Services, they run up against so much generational trauma that they can't affect, and so then they burn out. But if they're actually able to help somebody, then they aren't as likely to burn out. That is 

[00:08:50] Sandy: fascinating.

[00:08:52] Sandy: Yes, but it makes perfect sense because if you pour your heart and your actions into somebody because you are so compassionate [00:09:00] and it makes an impact, then you feel like you have given and that rejuvenates you. If you pour your heart and energy into situations repeatedly that are not going to give back to you, that are not going to be successful, after a while you will just get really, really tired and stressed and burn yourself out.

[00:09:22] Sandy: So, if you're a compassionate person, that is a wonderful thing, and it is a great way to build strong, healthy relationships, but you have to make sure that you don't overload yourself by giving and not getting back. You have to find ways to get back some of the energy. and love and caring that you have been pouring out or you're going to be empty and then you'll be stressed and then you'll be anxious and then you will have physical problems and maybe emotional problems and mental health problems.

[00:09:55] Sandy: All of that if you just give, give, give, give, give, give, give and nobody gives [00:10:00] back. So if you are a compassionate, caring person, congratulations, that's wonderful, but please find ways to take care of yourself. Find other people who will give back to you if whoever the person is you're giving to isn't in a position to do that because it has to be a balance or you will harm yourself.

[00:10:21] Sandy: If you're 

[00:10:21] Shannon: interested in building more of these three things into your life, sympathy, empathy, and compassion, how do you go ahead and start that 

[00:10:30] Sandy: process? Well, first of all, as with everything, it starts with self awareness. You have to understand your own emotions, and that allows you to better understand others.

[00:10:42] Sandy: You also have to work on actively listening, and this is such a huge important skill. I know we've talked about it many times, because a lot of people are not taught to actively listen. And when you actively listen, you are not there to promote your own agenda. You're not there to [00:11:00] criticize or tell somebody they're wrong.

[00:11:02] Sandy: When you actively listen, you sit down with somebody, you make eye contact, you put your phone away, not just down, you put it away and you focus on them a hundred percent. Put your phone down. Oh, well, that is such a huge thing. You know, if I'm with somebody and they put their phone down on the table face up, it's distracting to both of us.

[00:11:23] Sandy: If they put it in their back pocket or turn it off or put it away in a purse or something, then I feel like they're really with me. And those little gestures make such a huge difference. 

[00:11:36] Shannon: That's true. It's very flattering when you're with someone and they put their phone away. It's like, oh, you're here for me.

[00:11:43] Sandy: Yeah, these days, that is a really powerful gesture. It lets somebody know that they're not thinking about anybody else. They're not going to be checking their phone. They are with you. And then if they make eye contact and actually listen and then feed back to you [00:12:00] what you've said instead of judging it or telling you how to solve it, just being there with you.

[00:12:05] Sandy: That's really powerful. And that is compassionate active listening, 

[00:12:09] Shannon: which we also did a podcast on. So if you're interested, you can go back and brush up on some of those 

[00:12:15] Sandy: skills. Active listening impacts every aspect of your life. Please, if you're don't understand what it's about, look into it. It will make a huge difference in all of your relationships, your work, your home, your everything.

[00:12:29] Sandy: And if you want to build sympathy, empathy and compassion into your life, it's also good to be open to talking with people from different walks of life and different cultures and, and different upbringings and engage in perspective taking exercises. Yet curiosity 

[00:12:45] Shannon: can go a really long 

[00:12:46] Sandy: way. Absolutely. 

[00:12:48] Shannon: So, go out of your way to put yourself in situations where you will be interacting with people who are different from you.

[00:12:55] Shannon: And then just be curious about them. 

[00:12:58] Sandy: Exactly. Curious with no [00:13:00] judgment, that is really powerful too. And that will help you build trust. Sympathy, empathy, and compassion into your life. And if you're 

[00:13:07] Shannon: having trouble with it, don't be afraid to reach out for help. I think we've all been in situations where we've just burned out and we can't access those feelings anymore.

[00:13:16] Shannon: And so family, friends, therapists, school counselors, all those people can be helpful in helping you get.

[00:13:28] Sandy: Yes, they will help you rejuvenate and start taking care of yourself because sometimes people are so compassionate and so focused on giving back to the people that are struggling that they forget to take care of themselves. I always refer to what they tell you on the airplane. Hopefully not, but if the oxygen mask comes down, put it on yourself first because you're no good to anybody else if you're busy putting it on everybody else and you pass out because you're not getting enough oxygen.

[00:13:58] Sandy: And that is the [00:14:00] same with your emotional giving, that you have to take care of yourself first so that you have enough to give to other people. Or you'll run out and then everybody will lose. Right. And that's hard for some of us. You mean taking care of 

[00:14:15] Shannon: yourself? I think in our culture especially, and coming from a woman's perspective, there is an expectation that we'll take care of everybody else.

[00:14:26] Shannon: And that there's sometimes guilt involved with putting energy into ourselves and not towards our kids, spouse, friends, family, co workers. World 

[00:14:38] Sandy: at large. Right. Yes. We actually did a podcast on that. Is it selfish or self care and it is self care. There is absolutely nothing selfish about taking care of yourself.

[00:14:53] Sandy: You have to do that. If you want to be healthy and able to be there for other people, dump the word [00:15:00] selfish and start looking at it as self care. And self care is a positive for everybody in your life because if you take care of yourself with balance and you also give to other people, then you have great relationships.

[00:15:14] Sandy: So it's important to remember to embrace sympathy, empathy, and compassion in your daily life. It's through these emotional connections that we can create a more compassionate and understanding world and make our relationships strong and enduring. You know, if 

[00:15:31] Shannon: we're not here on this planet to connect with other people, then I don't know what we're here for.

[00:15:37] Shannon: And you can't do it without empathy, sympathy, and 

[00:15:40] Sandy: compassion. Absolutely. And if you're with people who don't exhibit any of that, you might want to reevaluate those relationships. Because you're doing all the giving, they're doing all the taking, and at some point it's going to damage you in a variety of ways.

[00:15:58] Sandy: Yeah. There, we're back to self [00:16:00] care again. 

[00:16:00] Shannon: Mm hmm. Well, thank you, Sandy. Would you like to share any final thoughts, or would you like to 

[00:16:04] Sandy: wrap up? Well, I just want to comment on what a loving, compassionate person you are. That you always feel for other people and do what you can to help them in any way.

[00:16:16] Sandy: And it's just such a joy to see you as you interact. with the people in your life. So I'm so proud to be your mom. Well, thank 

[00:16:25] Shannon: you. And I learned that from you, from you and dad, who are quite in tune with other people and are always there when people need you. You've taught me how to be there for other people, but not lose myself in the process.

[00:16:39] Shannon: I don't know that I would have that ability if it hadn't been for the role models that I had. So. Thank you for that. Well, that's 

[00:16:46] Sandy: lovely. So, we obviously have a mutual admiration thing going here, which is great.

[00:16:54] Sandy: So, shall we wrap up? Yes, please. Okay. There are [00:17:00] several ways to support people who are struggling or suffering. Sympathy is about recognizing pain. Empathy is about feeling it. And compassion is about feeling and doing something about it. All three of these ways of interacting are important in creating and maintaining positive relationships.

[00:17:17] Sandy: And when you are sympathetic, you acknowledge someone else's pain or struggle. When you're empathetic, you not only acknowledge what the other person is going through, but you can relate and actually feel what they're feeling, maybe because you've been through it before yourself. And when you're compassionate, you feel both sympathy and empathy and then take some kind of action.

[00:17:38] Sandy: to help the other person. When you allow yourself to feel sympathy, empathy, and compassion, you're nurturing your relationships and helping create a more caring, understanding world. Thank you, Sandy. And thank you, Shannon. And thank you to our listeners. Please take time to stop and appreciate the little things.

[00:17:58] Sandy: The beauty of the leaves, the [00:18:00] feel of someone's arms around you, giving you hugs, all the wonderful things that we are thankful for and may not even be aware of. Take time to stop and enjoy and appreciate as we appreciate you. 

[00:18:13] Shannon: Absolutely. And then tell us about it, because we love it when you share your stories with us.

[00:18:17] Shannon: We love hearing about how self esteem and personal power have played roles in your life, and we also love it when you suggest topics for us to discuss in the future. It's really great to know that. These are topics that you're interested in hearing about. So keep doing that. And if you'd like to, we love it when you review our podcast and you can do that wherever you stream, or you can just visit yourpersonalpowerpod.

[00:18:39] Shannon: com. Click contact and drop us an email to talk to us directly. And if you want to learn about coaching and how it can change your life, feel free to contact Sandy at sandyatinsidejobscoach. com. And until next time, we look forward to hearing from you, find your power and change your life.[00:19:00]