Chapters in Your Book of Life

Your life is like a book with many chapters.  Some chapters you write, and some are written by others or circumstances. Chapter one is when you are born and are young, and pages turn as you grow. Some chapters are sad, some are happy, some are exciting and some are calm. The important thing is to understand that you are writing your life book, so whether it’s filled with drama and angst, or is a happy, feel-good adventure is up to you.  In today’s episode of Your Personal Power Pod, we talk about the chapters in your book of life.

We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. We’d love for you to review our podcast. Do this on your streaming service or visit www.yourpersonalpowerpod.com , click Contact and drop us an email. You can also find us on Instagram at Your Personal Power Pod.

Also, if you’d like to make changes in your personal or business life, spending time with a coach can make all the difference.  Sandy is offering a free consultation, so contact her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING in the subject line to schedule a free call.

Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

E89 Chapters in your book of life

[00:00:00] Shannon: Welcome to your personal power pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, Sandy Abel and Shannon Young.

[00:00:21] Sandy: Are you as excited about this episode as I 

[00:00:23] Shannon: am? I am. And it's really interesting to me that you came up with this topic on your own. We didn't talk about it. You sent it to me a couple of days ago and I read it and I was like, yeah, that's what's going on in my world too. So thank you for reading my mind and being on the same page.

[00:00:42] Shannon: Today we're talking about chapters in the book of your life. And we've kind of addressed this before we've done episodes. on change or pertaining to change, but there's something about this one that just feels a little 

[00:00:54] Sandy: bit bigger. Right. It's really huge. Actually, the reason that I thought of it was [00:01:00] because I was talking with a friend of ours whose wife of 52 years recently passed away from Alzheimer's.

[00:01:07] Sandy: He was so philosophical about it. It just really inspired me. He talked about my life is a book filled with many, many chapters, and the first one was when I was a little person, and actually the people around me wrote that chapter for me because I was pretty small, and then I got older and became a teenager, and I started writing my own chapters, and then I met my wonderful life partner wife.

[00:01:35] Sandy: We started writing that chapter together, and it lasted for 52 amazing years. In that chapter, we had some sub chapters. We had our son, we started a business, and then eventually our son grew up and moved away. And unfortunately, our business burned down when our town burned down. So, we had to deal with that.

[00:01:56] Sandy: And now she has moved on, and I'm starting another [00:02:00] chapter. I was so impressed with how philosophical he was about it. Obviously, he's grieving his life partner hugely. Of course. But he's also saying, I can give it up and just stop, or I can write another chapter just for me now. That's beautiful. I thought, my goodness, we need to talk about that.

[00:02:21] Sandy: I left that conversation feeling so inspired and so appreciative of this man who was dealing with huge life changes in a very philosophical and wise way. That's beautiful and so touching. Very much so. And he was smart enough to understand that when you close one chapter, another will open. Some chapters are more meaningful than others, and some will be painfully difficult to let go of, but it's important to remember the closing of a chapter doesn't mean your book is done.

[00:02:54] Sandy: What about you, Shan? You said there's chapters in your life that are shifting. What's going on, or do you want to [00:03:00] share that? 

[00:03:00] Shannon: Sure. My husband's My daughter, my stepdaughter, recently graduated from high school and started college. That's really big in his world. Even though she hasn't been living with us full time for a couple of years, that marked a really big shift for him.

[00:03:18] Shannon: And she's now going to the university that he works at. So he's seeing her more often in a totally different capacity. We've also talked about becoming parents to adult children. and how that differs from being parents to younger children. And so he's kind of going through that, and it's marked a shift in his world, which also marks a shift in mine.

[00:03:39] Shannon: It also ends a period in my life, because when we got married, we'd considered having a child, even though his daughter was nine or ten at the time. And then that just never happened. And so having her Grow up and move into a dorm and be kind of an adult now marks the end of the time period during which [00:04:00] I could have had children too.

[00:04:02] Shannon: So there's a little bit of grieving going on there. We're not going to have kids now. I'm not at the age where doctors would recommend that and it just doesn't make sense. And so there's a shifting going on for me too, which is interestingly enough, and I might cry here. The closing of a chapter that never started.

[00:04:20] Shannon: Isn't that 

[00:04:21] Sandy: weird? Oh, and that's so hard. It's 

[00:04:24] Shannon: really weird. Like I'm grieving a thing that never was and that I thought would happen. And so it feels like my life kind of collapsed by 20 years. I thought that I had, you know, this 18 to 20 year period where I would be raising a little person and. I'm not.

[00:04:40] Shannon: And so all of a sudden I'm in middle age, whereas I thought I was going to just be a mom. And so it's just this really weird shift and looking at it as a chapter that I could have written and didn't just feels so much more liberating and easier to cope with than a loss. [00:05:00] It is a loss, but it also is a story that I could have told and I just decided not to.

[00:05:05] Shannon: That's kind of where I am. 

[00:05:06] Sandy: Wow, and that's huge, that is so huge, that is so huge. The important thing is, you wrote a different chapter. You didn't write the chapter you thought you were going to write, but you did write a chapter. You took what you thought was going to be and turned it into something else.

[00:05:23] Sandy: What we all need to be able to do is, when you look at your life as a book, it gives you the opportunity to write or rewrite your story. You might not be able to change the events, but you can certainly rewrite how you tell the story. And that's exactly what you're doing. And that's so beautiful. Thank you.

[00:05:41] Sandy: And I'm sorry that It didn't turn out the way you wanted it, but you had a whole lot of other different things that you rewrote. So you still have a beautiful story, it's just not the one you thought it was going to be. 

[00:05:53] Shannon: Right. And what about you? What about chapters in your world? Are they beginning? Are they ending?

[00:05:57] Shannon: Are they peaking? What's going on? [00:06:00] 

[00:06:01] Sandy: Well, I am, obviously, since I'm your mom, significantly older than you are. Let's hope so. You know, as we've talked about before, I was married to your biological father for 12 years. And when we got married, obviously I thought that was going to be a lifelong chapter and it turned out it wasn't.

[00:06:20] Sandy: But through that process. I got you and your brother, which were the highlights of my whole life. That was the best chapter in my life, even though the marriage part didn't last. And then I went on and have had a wonderful 41 year relationship with my husband. Now with your dad, it's a. beautiful chapter.

[00:06:41] Sandy: Just like my friend that I was talking to, there have been ebbs and flows, there have been sub chapters. When you and your brother grew up and went away, that shifted everything. When I started my own business, that shifted things. But it's all turned out beautiful. And it's the chapters that I'm [00:07:00] enjoying living right now.

[00:07:01] Sandy: I don't know what's coming next because we never do, but I know whatever it is, I will write it to be the best that it can be. That's what we do if we choose to. I like that. When a chapter ends, it means that something has happened to disrupt your comfort zone, and what you expected to continue has ended.

[00:07:20] Sandy: Just like you with your thinking you might have a child someday and you didn't, or me thinking that my first marriage might go on forever and it didn't, or my friend whose wife passed away thinking that they would be together until they were 110, because that's what you assume. And that became the comfort zone, that was the nice, safe, wonderful, beautiful place to be.

[00:07:41] Sandy: But things happen, and it disrupts your comfort zone, and things end, and that chapter is over. And sometimes it's a conscious choice, and sometimes it's thrust upon you, but either way it feels like a part of you is lost, just like you were saying. Yeah. And it can 

[00:07:57] Shannon: be a little confusing and it can make you [00:08:00] feel like you've lost your footing and you're not sure how to move forward.

[00:08:03] Shannon: Like in my case, there's some grief going on. And so there are definitely parts of the grieving process that I'm dealing with and obviously that your friend is dealing with. It also means that there's some cleaning up and cleaning out and removing of some negative energies so that we can make room for 

[00:08:23] Sandy: what's next.

[00:08:24] Sandy: Exactly. The beauty is that we can write our own chapters. So what's next is up to each of us to write our own. And we can write a drama, we can write a struggle suffer book, or we can write a happy, joyful, loving book. And we each have the choice to do that. Each part of it is a different chapter. So 

[00:08:45] Shannon: how do we go about actively creating these chapters.

[00:08:50] Shannon: It's helpful to look at what has recently passed as a chapter because that makes it easier to move on, I think, just saying, Oh, well, I'll just close the book on [00:09:00] that chapter and then move on to the next one. But with looking forward, that's much more of a, an active creative process. 

[00:09:07] Sandy: Absolutely. Like you said, you have to identify why it's ending, that there is a chapter and it's ending, and get clear on what it was and, and what's changed, and then learn to accept the shift and look at your feelings about it.

[00:09:20] Sandy: Identify what you learned from the last chapter and where you are now and where you might want to go. I think 

[00:09:26] Shannon: that's huge, that looking at your feelings and identifying what you learned, because so frequently when something happens that's uncomfortable or painful or we experience a loss, the last thing we want to do is look at it.

[00:09:38] Shannon: It's hard. It hurts. It makes you deal with truths and information about yourself that maybe you don't want to know. And so giving yourself the space to feel those hard feelings and experience them, even though it's not a fun thing to do, it will help you 

[00:09:55] Sandy: move. out of them a whole lot faster. Definitely.

[00:09:59] Sandy: And when you do [00:10:00] that, you have to be gentle with yourself as you're coming to terms with the changes and deal with the grieving process, which, as we've talked about before, you even grieve for positive events when something big, huge, positive, like your child gets married, that's an exciting thing, but it's also something that you're going to grieve for.

[00:10:19] Sandy: So you have to give yourself time and just be gentle with yourself. 

[00:10:23] Shannon: Yes. Allow yourself to feel stuff. 

[00:10:26] Sandy: and express it. And then look ahead to what you want chapter to be. Yeah, like 

[00:10:31] Shannon: with us now that there's a kiddo in college, there are new opportunities for us to spend more time together and also for my husband to spend more time with his daughter because she's closer to him physically now than she was when she lived elsewhere.

[00:10:47] Shannon: So that's super exciting and helps him not feel the loss of having a kid who was kind of dependent. She's not 

[00:10:54] Sandy: little anymore. Yes, and that's a new chapter, too, is when the little person becomes the big [00:11:00] person. That's a big change in chapters, and it's a whole new chapter in her life and in yours. 

[00:11:05] Shannon: You suggest creating and carrying a self help reminder.

[00:11:09] Sandy: Explain that. When you're feeling confused, or you're not sure how you want to move ahead, it's good to have a plan. It might be to go for a walk, or phone a friend, or just breathe deeply and relax your body. For some people, actually writing that down on a little card and sticking it in your pocket is a good thing.

[00:11:29] Sandy: So when you start to feel really down, you can just pull out your card and go, Oh yeah, I think I'll go for a walk now. Or, Oh, I'm going to go call my friend. And you can always breathe deeply and relax your body or do whatever else will help you relax and start focusing on letting go of the chapter that's ended and writing the next step.

[00:11:51] Shannon: It kind of gives you a touchstone, something to bring you 

[00:11:53] Sandy: back to yourself. Exactly. How to deal with 

[00:11:56] Shannon: it. That seems to me, when I read some of your notes here, [00:12:00] you say, create a plan for dealing with stress. And I know for myself, when I'm feeling stressed, the last thing I want to do is create a plan. What, what do you mean by that?

[00:12:11] Sandy: Create a plan? Well, I think you need to know yourself well enough that you can know ahead of time, before you're stressed, what helps you relax. Like I know I've talked before about going for a walk really helps me because it helps me be in the present moment. I can feel the wind in my face. I can look at the trees and see how beautiful the leaves are and it gets me right back into being in the now.

[00:12:35] Sandy: And that's my stress relief plan, one of them. So if I start feeling upset about the ending of a chapter or creating a new chapter, which can also be stressful, I will go to my walk or my deep breathing. But I plan that ahead of time. I know some 

[00:12:52] Shannon: people really like the act of writing in a journal or listening to music or sitting in silence, meditating, that can [00:13:00] be really helpful for dealing with stress and change.

[00:13:02] Shannon: I've also figured out that for myself, it can be really helpful to focus on other people and on how I can help them or doing something that makes me feel productive, which is like writing out a list of things that I want to get done and then crossing them off. That always makes me feel like things are moving and progressing, even when I'm feeling stuck elsewhere or I'm feeling the stress of shifting or endings or change.

[00:13:26] Shannon: It gives me a routine that I can then focus on. 

[00:13:29] Sandy: Absolutely. And that's huge to have that. A really important thing is to be able to give yourself permission to move on. Like our friend whose wife just passed. A lot of people who lose a loved one have trouble letting go of that chapter, and just want to stay stuck in it, even though it's not really happening anymore.

[00:13:51] Sandy: You have to do what he's so wisely done, is say, yes, it was beautiful, it was basically my whole life, but now I do have another chapter [00:14:00] to write. She wouldn't want me to stay stuck in the old chapter. She would want me to move ahead, so I am giving myself permission to move on. And then you have to take charge of creating your next chapter.

[00:14:13] Shannon: And remind yourself that even if things are hard or painful now, they won't always be that way. You will move into another chapter that includes beauty, and it might be different. But it will feel 

[00:14:24] Sandy: equally as good. Very much so. And if you really feel lost, you might turn to the support people in your life.

[00:14:30] Sandy: Talk with them about it. Just let the new chapter unfold. Get an idea of where you want to go and what you want to do. And then try to take things one step at a time and don't pressure yourself to rush and make decisions. like my friend. I said, so what would you like to do next? And he said, well, I'm not really sure, but there are a lot of things that I used to want to do, but for various reasons I wasn't able to.

[00:14:56] Sandy: So now I'm going to look into that and I'm going to see how it [00:15:00] unfolds and how it will work. You take it one step at a time, and you don't rush it, and you write the next chapter. I 

[00:15:06] Shannon: think it's important to remember that in order to effectively write that next chapter, you need to have closure for the previous one.

[00:15:14] Shannon: And I only say that because I see so many people dating these days who are in long term relationships that then end for whatever reason, and they immediately jump into another relationship. And you're not giving that new relationship a chance to unfold in a beautiful way, or even last, if you're not done with the 

[00:15:33] Sandy: previous one.

[00:15:35] Sandy: That is very, very true. And you have to close one chapter before you can effectively move into the next one. So, you create your intent of what you want to experience in the next chapter and then start to make it happen after you have allowed yourself to start closing the previous one. It all sounds 

[00:15:56] Shannon: so 

[00:15:56] Sandy: simple.

[00:15:58] Sandy: It is not simple [00:16:00] at all, but you have the power to write it down. the book of your life and write every chapter the way you want it to be. And even the difficult chapters, you can find the positive in them and make them be what you wanted them to be. You have to be open to new possibilities and claim your personal power and then you will move ahead and have an exciting new chapter in your life.

[00:16:25] Sandy: Thank you for 

[00:16:26] Shannon: sharing this story about your friend. My heart goes out to him. 

[00:16:29] Sandy: Oh, well. I was just so touched that he would share that with me and I was blown away by his wisdom and strength. And I thought, wow, everybody has that capability if you just allow yourself to access it and move ahead. So thank you, Shan, for sharing your story.

[00:16:48] Sandy: That was very important. 

[00:16:50] Shannon: My pleasure. I'm an open book. All my chapters are visible. 

[00:16:55] Sandy: That is one of the beautiful things about you. Would you like to wrap us up? Absolutely. So for [00:17:00] all of us, your life is like a book with many chapters. Some chapters you write and some are written by others or by circumstances.

[00:17:07] Sandy: The one sure thing is that throughout your life you will write many chapters and they will eventually end and new ones will begin in a variety of ways. Chapters can be both positive and negative, and when one ends, you will be left with feelings of grief and loss, as well as excitement for the new opportunities to come.

[00:17:24] Sandy: The important thing is how you choose to think about and deal with the ending of the chapter, and how you create closure so you can move ahead. You can choose to stay stuck in what was, and never move. Or you can learn the lessons, appreciate the good, and take those with you into the next chapter. When a chapter closes, learn from what was, be open to new possibilities, claim your personal power, and you will thrive again.

[00:17:49] Shannon: Thank you for helping me write my book. 

[00:17:53] Sandy: And thank you for being a huge part of mine, Shan. My goodness, you are the most beautiful part. You and your brother are the [00:18:00] most beautiful part of my life story. And we are continuing to write chapters together, which is very fun. 

[00:18:05] Shannon: And to all of our beautiful listeners, you are part of our story as well.

[00:18:09] Shannon: So thank you so much for helping us write our books. We love you. Love it. We love hearing from you. We love when you tell us your stories about self-esteem and personal power, and how they've affected your life, and we love it when you suggest topics for us to cover because we only wanna be talking about the things that you're interested in.

[00:18:26] Shannon: So please continue to do that. Please, also, if you feel like it, review our podcast and you can do that wherever you stream. Or if you'd rather just talk to us directly, you can do that also by visiting your personal power pod.com, clicking contact and dropping us an email. And if you want to talk to Sandy about how coaching can change your life, you can contact her at sandy at insidejobscoach.

[00:18:47] Shannon: com. We look forward to hearing from you and until next time, find your power and change your life.[00:19:00]