How Do You Navigate Change?

As we all know life is about change.  You can be going along with your comfortable status quo, and then for a variety of reasons things change.  Sometimes these are planned and positive changes, and sometimes they are unplanned and unwanted shifts.  The important thing to know is that how you choose to approach and deal with life changes will determine how your life unfolds as you move ahead.  In today’s episode of Your Personal Power Pod, we talk about the most effective ways to navigate change.

We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. We’d love for you to review our podcast. Do this on your streaming service or visit www.yourpersonalpowerpod.com , click Contact and drop us an email. You can also find us on Instagram at Your Personal Power Pod.

Also, if you’d like to make changes in your personal or business life, spending time with a coach can make all the difference.  Sandy is offering a free consultation, so contact her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING in the subject line to schedule a free call.

Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

[00:00:00] Shannon: Welcome to Your Personal Power Pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, Sandy Abel and Shannon Young.

[00:00:20] Sandy: Shannon, another beautiful day in the neighborhood. What's happening in your world? Hey, 

[00:00:24] Shannon: Sandy. We are preparing for another heat wave in Southern Oregon. So I am preparing to hunker down in my house. 

[00:00:34] Sandy: It is brilliant. That is so smart. And aren't we fortunate that we have a house and we have air conditioning and we can just let this heat wave pass and be comfy and cozy.

[00:00:44] Sandy: It was, I am very appreciative of that every day. Yes, it is lovely. What's going on in your world? Oh, just life is great. We had a very fun conversation with Brian Proctor in our last episode. That was cool. Today we are talking [00:01:00] about something not nearly as fun, something that happens all the time. And that would be change.

[00:01:08] Sandy: Yes, and we've talked about change a lot, but we've never really talked about how to navigate it. Life is about change. Little changes, big changes. The weather changes, you know, we go from 30 degrees to 105, but when big life changes happen, it can really throw us, and if we don't know how to deal with it, we can really struggle.

[00:01:32] Sandy: It's easy to get lost. It's very easy to get lost. And in the last week or so, both you and I have talked with good friends who have experienced huge change, which got us thinking about sharing with our listeners. How to deal with this thing. 

[00:01:49] Shannon: I think we all go through it constantly. Things are always changing.

[00:01:52] Shannon: I don't think things stay static. But sometimes the changes are smaller or easier to navigate than at other times. [00:02:00] And they don't throw us for a loop. But then every once in a while, something out of our control just drops a bomb in our life. And then we kind of have to 

[00:02:09] Sandy: find our footing again. Exactly. It can explode your world.

[00:02:13] Sandy: Sometimes changes are really good. Getting married, graduating from college, getting the job of your dreams, all those are wonderful, but there's still changes and things still shift when you go through those. But they're more fun to deal with. The really, really hard ones are things like divorce or death of a loved one or serious illness I'm thinking about our area a couple years ago where all the people lost their home in the fire.

[00:02:41] Sandy: Huge changes that seriously impact how you live your life and 

[00:02:46] Shannon: those are tough. Those are tough and I think there's an expectation or as often we feel there's an expectation that we're just supposed to absorb the change and move on but there's a grieving process even sometimes with the good [00:03:00] changes there's a 

[00:03:00] Sandy: grieving process.

[00:03:02] Sandy: Absolutely. And in our American society, especially if your change is negative, if you've lost a loved one, we have minimal routines, things to help us work through it. Other cultures seem to have more defined ways that a community can deal with one person's loss. In our country, if you lose a parent or a loved one, you have a funeral and then you're supposed to just be fine again.

[00:03:33] Sandy: And you go back to work and you live your life and everything's fine. The culture doesn't acknowledge that it takes months and months. sometimes a year or two to work through whatever the change is. I was sharing with you that we have friends who, in the last six months, his mother died, her father died, and their youngest child graduated from high school, which is a positive change.

[00:03:56] Sandy: And he's going across the country to college, [00:04:00] which is also positive, but a huge loss for them because it's, they're now not raising children anymore. And they are trying to cope with this shift. He hasn't left yet, so they're still getting him ready for college and getting ready to take him back there, but when they get back, they're going to sit down and look at each other and go, Okay, who are we now?

[00:04:22] Sandy: What do we do now? We're not raising kids, and my dad is gone, and your mom is gone, and whoa. And then you have to redefine yourself. Figure 

[00:04:31] Shannon: out where you stand in the world again. Exactly. I think often we don't know how to address our feelings around change. And so because of that, we have physical symptoms.

[00:04:41] Shannon: It's really easy to just say, like, I'm not going to think about that, or I don't know how to deal with that. So I'm just going to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen. But then there are some physical manifestations that come along with that, that can be long term if you don't 

[00:04:54] Sandy: address them. Yeah, you'll have changes in appetite or you deal with depression [00:05:00] and sadness, obviously.

[00:05:01] Sandy: But you also can have muscle pain or problems sleeping or upset stomach. Irritability, 

[00:05:08] Shannon: that's a big one in my world. I just get really pissy, have a lot of headaches.

[00:05:15] Shannon: I know people who are generally on the ball, who go through big changes and then they can't focus anymore or they're really forgetful. They have fuzzy brain and you're like, what happened to you? You are just the most detail oriented person on a regular basis and today you can't remember where you put your shoes, 

[00:05:33] Sandy: your keys, your kid, you know.

[00:05:36] Sandy: I think I've talked about many eons ago, when I went through a divorce, I would get you and your brother off to school, and then I would go back in the house and just sit and stare. That's not who I am. I'm a doer. I get up and make things happen, and I would just sit and stare. And after about a half hour, I would rouse myself and say, wait a minute, what are you doing?

[00:05:56] Sandy: So, I would get up and go to another room thinking I was going to accomplish [00:06:00] something and then sit down and stare. And it was because I had the fuzzy brain. My subconscious was so busy coming to terms with the change and what it all meant that my conscious mind had trouble functioning and that's really 

[00:06:14] Shannon: scary.

[00:06:14] Shannon: It's the same thing that happens with your computer when you have a lot of processes running in the background. The pages you're trying to load won't load. I mean, it is. You're processing. So your bandwidth is restricted. I love that. Yeah. It's really easy to get angry or to feel bitter or regretful. You can also allow some of those feelings to creep into your current relationships and affect those.

[00:06:43] Shannon: And also, you can 

[00:06:43] Sandy: just make yourself really sick. Yeah, it destroys your immune system and makes you vulnerable to diseases, and it just hurts your overall well being. As we've said, change is inevitable, and the important thing is to remember to be able to deal with it as soon as you can. [00:07:00] And be gentle with yourself until you do.

[00:07:02] Sandy: So 

[00:07:02] Shannon: how do we do that? It's really easy to say, be gentle with yourself and allow yourself time to adapt and accept, but how? 

[00:07:11] Sandy: First of all, you realize that change happens to everybody and it's part of life and you don't have to love it, but it isn't the end of the world, even though it might seem like it.

[00:07:21] Sandy: And then acknowledge your feelings. Look at how you feel about the change, both good and bad, and identify your feelings. Find ways to experience them in a healthy way without being overwhelmed by emotions, and without letting the anger and bitterness and sadness take over your life to a point where you lay it on everybody else around you.

[00:07:42] Sandy: And I would 

[00:07:42] Shannon: suggest here, if you have a hard time identifying your feelings, we live in a society that doesn't always encourage men to experience their feelings. And so because of that, it can be really hard to identify what you're feeling. We used to have a magnet on our fridge that had a bunch of [00:08:00] emotions and a little drawing of a face that went along with each one.

[00:08:03] Shannon: And if you didn't know what you were feeling, you could kind of identify what the face was and say, like, Oh, that looks like exactly what my face is doing right now. And it can help you figure out and label the feeling you're having. And if for people who weren't encouraged as kids to feel and acknowledge and accept their feelings, that can be really helpful.

[00:08:24] Shannon: So if you don't know what you're feeling, that's fine. But if you want to be able to label it. There are resources out there that 

[00:08:31] Sandy: will help you with that. Yeah, the bottom line is to allow yourself to have those feelings. A lot of folks have shoulds around, I'm not supposed to feel that way. Nobody like me if I express this emotion.

[00:08:46] Sandy: Emotions are fine as long as you don't beat other people up with them, and you don't beat yourself up with them. Just identify them, experience them, and then find ways to move through them. Find a trusted person to talk [00:09:00] with so you can verbally process. Always be gentle with yourself. That's key. And understand that feelings of anxiety and fear and worry are normal with big changes.

[00:09:11] Sandy: So don't panic when you realize you're feeling those things. Just pay attention to your thoughts because thoughts create feelings and work with those. So that you can get whatever is going on back under control so it does not run you. And this 

[00:09:28] Shannon: is where the story that you're telling yourself is really important.

[00:09:32] Shannon: So the way you view your life transitions will affect how you move through them. And if you're coping with the loss of a loved one or a job or something important to you, telling yourself, this is awful. This is the end of the world as I know it. Nothing will ever be great again. You're going to grieve differently than if you view it as an opportunity for growth.

[00:09:53] Shannon: Acknowledge that you loved somebody and had this really lovely relationship or job and be grateful that you have it. [00:10:00] And now know that things are going to change for sure, but we'll be good again. And that will affect definitely how you feel 

[00:10:08] Sandy: as you're processing your change. Absolutely. And you have to be willing to allow things to be good again.

[00:10:15] Sandy: I know a lot of people whose loved ones have passed away feel almost guilty if they are able to move ahead and still find joy in their life. They feel like they are discarding the person that passed away. That couldn't be farther from the truth. The reality is the person who loved you and died. would not want you to suffer.

[00:10:37] Sandy: You're not going to show that you love them by continuing to suffer and struggle. They would want you to go on and live your life and be happy and honor them in that process. Though that is so important to remember that you don't honor anybody by continuing to stay in the struggle and painful place of grief.

[00:10:57] Sandy: These 

[00:10:57] Shannon: transitions are also a really good opportunity to [00:11:00] take a look at the path you're on, because it often isn't possible to keep going in exactly the same direction you were going in after you experienced some kind of a big change. Frequently, it means you also have to adjust your course. Looking at it as an opportunity to better your life or change the direction you're going in or make a new plan can be really helpful and also help you 

[00:11:23] Sandy: get through it.

[00:11:24] Sandy: Yeah, as weird as it sounds, there are always positives. If you've been taking care of an alien parent, or if they've been struggling, you haven't even been taking care of them, but they have been struggling and you have been worrying about them because they couldn't function as well as they used to, and then they pass away, there's positives there.

[00:11:43] Sandy: They're no longer suffering. You can find the joy in what you had with them, then focus on your life, where a lot of your effort might have been focused on their life. Yep. There's always positives. You don't see them initially, you just feel the [00:12:00] loss and the change. It's like our friends whose son is leaving for college on the East Coast.

[00:12:06] Sandy: There's a lot of positive in that. That's exciting and wonderful, especially for him, but it's also a huge ending for them as far as being actively parenting every day. Find the joy. Look at what it's like for him and how excited he is to go to college and start his adult life. There's always good.

[00:12:26] Sandy: Sometimes it just takes time to find it. And then 

[00:12:29] Shannon: part of being gentle with yourself is just understanding that these things take time. So you don't need to try to rush your process. Just give yourself the time that you need and love yourself through 

[00:12:40] Sandy: it. Always. Reach out to family or friends or loved ones for support whenever you need it.

[00:12:46] Sandy: They will understand and they will be there for you. Or find some trusted person and share your thoughts and fears because there's a lot of fears when some big change happens, both positive and negative. There are fears [00:13:00] because you're out of your comfort zone. When you're in your comfort zone, you're not usually very afraid because you feel like you have control.

[00:13:07] Sandy: That's sort of a false sense of security because we never have full control. But when huge changes happen, then it gets very fearful. You also go through the grief process. I know we've talked about this before, but I want to go through it again because these are important stages that we all experience to one level or another when there is a big change in our life.

[00:13:31] Sandy: The first stage of the grief process is denial or shock. That's where you tell yourself, Oh, this is no big deal. I can handle it. And you don't really allow yourself to deal with the change because you're still cleaning up. My friends who have lost their parents, they still have a lot of legal stuff to do and their son's going to college, so they have to arrange how to get him there.

[00:13:56] Sandy: And there are logistics that they have to do that interfere with [00:14:00] their ability to actually feel what they will eventually feel. Then there's always the anger stage where you get angry at the world and at God and at the doctor if they didn't save your parents. Whatever it is, anger is a normal part of grief and can be kind of scary if you're not usually an angry person.

[00:14:21] Sandy: And then there's the bargaining stage where you try to work with the universe or whatever deity you believe in to like, Oh, there must be something I can do to get back to where we were. How can we make this so it really didn't happen? It's a little fantasy time where you just try to pretend that it's not real.

[00:14:38] Sandy: And then, of course, there's depression. You feel kind of lost because you have realized that where you are is not where you were, and you can't ever go back to where you were, so you have to figure out who you are now and how to move ahead. That creates a lot of depression. And eventually you get to acceptance where [00:15:00] you realize this thing happened, there was a lot of negative, there was some positive, I'm still me and I can still move ahead.

[00:15:08] Sandy: It's a choice and you get on with your life. Experiencing the grief process can be really scary and overwhelming if you are not aware that it's normal part of big change. 

[00:15:21] Shannon: And we talk about the grief process like these are steps that you move through. And they definitely are steps, but they don't happen sequentially.

[00:15:29] Shannon: You don't move through denial to anger to bargaining, depression, acceptance, and then you're done with it. They come and go at different times, and you can go through them over and over and over again in weird orders. I remember going through an experience as a kid when dad was in a motorcycle accident, and I was responding in a way that didn't make sense to me.

[00:15:51] Shannon: I couldn't stop laughing, and it was just this weird nervous response that I was having. Yeah. Which was me processing. 

[00:15:58] Sandy: Yeah. Obviously, [00:16:00] you did not find it funny. Fortunately, he survived and was okay. That was your emotional release. You're probably overwhelmed with emotions and laughing is a way to release those.

[00:16:11] Sandy: I've often referred to the grief process as like standing on the beach at the ocean where the waves come in and tickle your toes and that's a little bit of grief and then that goes out and then the next wave will come in and it's up around your knees and you're just not. Nice, but I can stand and I'm okay.

[00:16:31] Sandy: And then the wave goes out and then the tidal wave comes and knocks you flat and tries to suck you out and you hold on and just try to breathe. Then it goes out and then it'll come back around your knees. And that is what the emotions of the grief process do. They are unpredictable, just like the ocean.

[00:16:51] Sandy: They ebb and flow, and you just have to hang on and get through it. Over time, it will happen less and less. Yes. But [00:17:00] it's sort of comforting to understand the process so that you don't think you're going crazy. 

[00:17:06] Shannon: Yeah, that's important. And then you have a handful of other tips, things you can do to work through 

[00:17:11] Sandy: change.

[00:17:12] Sandy: First of all, stay as present as possible and create and focus on plans and resources that'll get you through. And remember who you were before the change and identify who you are now, so you can get clear on your strengths and values and what makes you, you. Find ways to do things that brought you comfort before the transition.

[00:17:31] Sandy: Set goals and small action steps and do what you can to feel you have control over the situation. And definitely connect with your support network, allow yourself to ask for help and guidance and support and be honest and kind to yourself and aware of your feelings and needs without judging yourself.

[00:17:50] Sandy: Always take time to care for yourself. Do positive self talk and affirmations and be kind and gentle at all times and maintain control of your thoughts [00:18:00] by believing that the transition is something you can manage and be in charge of so that you claim your personal power. Always know that the time will come when you will once again feel happy and in control of your life.

[00:18:13] Sandy: When I look at the 

[00:18:14] Shannon: changes in my life, the ones that really threw me were the ones that were supposed to be good, and I wasn't prepared for the downside of them. And I think I've talked about this before, getting married was a really big deal in my life because I'd been single for so many decades. And then getting married was awesome, and all the things that I wanted it to be, but I didn't expect the grief that came along with the loss of things like so much of my privacy, and private time, and changes in my regular routines.

[00:18:51] Shannon: While it was awesome that I have this other person in my house now, and at the time it was two other people, because there was a child involved. She's now grown [00:19:00] up and gone away, but it was also a really huge shift and I wasn't prepared for that. I was only looking at the, I found my person, we're all together now, and then really learn who you are and who you were when it's like, Oh, I need so much more alone time than I ever knew.

[00:19:18] Shannon: And I don't have that at all now. Right, 

[00:19:19] Sandy: because you always had it, so you didn't have to identify that. 

[00:19:22] Shannon: Right. So it was the, now when I get something I want, I'm much more careful about my expectation around it. 

[00:19:32] Sandy: Smart. When we have positive changes like marriage or like our friends whose son is going away to college, I'm sure he's quite thrilled and he's probably terrified.

[00:19:42] Sandy: Because he's moving away from home to the other side of the country. If he's not terrified yet, he will be, because it's totally out of his comfort zone. He will adapt, and it will be fine, like we always do. But you learn a lot about yourself in the process, and you understand [00:20:00] that with both positive and unwanted change, you're gonna go through the process, and you have to choose to navigate it, rather than let it run you.

[00:20:09] Sandy: Do 

[00:20:10] Shannon: you have a 

[00:20:10] Sandy: story about change? When my parents both died, four years apart, that was a big change, especially when my mom died first and then my dad died a few years later. And then it was like, whoa, I'm the oldest one in the family now. I don't have that support and I don't have that backup and I don't have those wonderful people.

[00:20:29] Sandy: They're still in my heart and in my head, but they're not there to give me a hug. You just come to terms with that and say, okay, so who am I now? And how will I take them and move forward? How long did it take you, do you think? A few months, probably, because I knew it was coming. They were both, my mother was 91 and my father was 87.

[00:20:51] Sandy: So it wasn't a surprise, and I was sort of prepared for it. But for people who lose folks who are young, [00:21:00] and it's not anticipated through an accident or something, it takes a lot of time. to come to terms. The bottom line is to understand that whatever you're feeling is normal, be gentle with yourself, take control of your thoughts as much as you can to move ahead so that you can continue living your life the way you want to live it.

[00:21:22] Sandy: We all have that power. We just sometimes forget it when we're overwhelmed with emotions. That's beautiful. So, to wrap us up, change is a normal part of life. Some changes, such as marriage, the birth of a baby, or a job promotion are really exciting and we're happy about them, while others, like endings such as death of a loved one, being fired from a job, or the termination of a relationship are much more difficult.

[00:21:47] Sandy: If a change is wanted or unwanted, you will find you're no longer in your comfort zone and are not sure how to proceed. You'll also find yourself experiencing many feelings you might not be prepared to deal with. You might also [00:22:00] find that you're experiencing physical and emotional symptoms such as anxiety, excessive stress, being overly emotional, and having trouble concentrating.

[00:22:09] Sandy: If you choose to not deal with the change, these symptoms will persist, get worse, and interrupt your life. When you choose to look at and deal with the change, you'll eventually be able to work through it and create a plan to move ahead in your life. There are many things you can do to work with change, including being honest with yourself about how it's impacting you, talking with supportive people, and always being gentle with yourself.

[00:22:34] Sandy: As you do this, you'll reclaim your personal power and be able to decide how you want to move ahead and live your life. That was perfect. Thank you. Thank you, Shan. And thank you to our listeners. I hope all of your changes are happy ones and that you can navigate them. Come out strong on the other side, 

[00:22:54] Shannon: and then tell us about it because we love it when you tell us about how personal power and [00:23:00] self-esteem have affected your life, where your growth is occurring.

[00:23:03] Shannon: That stuff is really special to us. And if you have any topics that you'd like us to address in future episodes, please let us know. You can also review our podcast if you'd like to. We love it when you do that. You can do so wherever you stream or you can visit us at your personal powerpod. com click contact and drop us an email directly.

[00:23:22] Shannon: You can also get in touch with us on Instagram at your personal power pod. And if you want to chat with Sandy about coaching and how it can change your life, you can contact her at sandy at insidejobscoach. com. Thank you for listening. We look forward to hearing from you. And until next time, find your power and change your 

[00:23:44] Sandy: life.[00:24:00]